League 1 Match 25 - Tranmere 2 Southampton 0

Trannies 2 Fanny's 0

We’re at Prenton Park today to visit Tranmere – not a happy hunting ground for us. Last year we lost 2-1 up here and had a ridiculous penalty decision go against us when a forward leaned on Seaborne, who backed away causing the forward to fall down as gravity dictates that you will fall if you are leaning on something and it moves. The law of gravity does not dictate that it should be a penalty but it was last year. More recently, we beat them 2-0 at home and we put on a bit of a masterclass and they were shockingly bad. Though they’ve obviously improved and are not bottom of the league - it’s cliché o’clock and it’s a game we really should win.

This week has seen one major positive in that Guly do Prado has signed a two and a half year deal with the club to make his move permanent. You have to be pleased with that as he’s got better and better as he’s got used to English football and I see no reason why he won’t continue to do so as he’s quality and has the right attitude. On the negative side has been the continual attempt by the media to sell Alex Chamberlain. So far they’ve failed in their quest and now only have a week left to complete their task. No one has bid as yet but apparently, Man City have snatched him without making a bid but the bid they haven’t made is bigger than the bid that Arsenal haven’t made either. Meanwhile Fulham are winning the race to sign him without making a bid, as the bid that Arsenal didn’t make has been accepted by no one and Alex couldn’t agree to the personal terms that Arsenal didn’t offer him. Much funnier is the speculation that Pompey want to sign Jason Puncheon but we priced them out of it by asking for 14p, money up front. Apparently, it was the ‘money up front’ clause that killed it and I know this cos I read it on Tribal Football, about as reliable as a promise from Eddie Howe.

Nigel Adkins’ pre-match interview revealed that he was taking his parents out for dinner and that he is a miserable sod when we lose. In the quest to have a happy dinner, Nigel makes just the one change from the bore draw with Notts County as Jason Puncheon is left out with Dicko moving into midfield and Harding coming in at left back. The reports are that Deano and Lallana are not far away but not ready yet. Tranmere have Dale Jennings on the wing – a young player who has scored a few goals this year so it will be an interesting match-up between him and Alex Chamberlain, who despite what www.completefabricationandspeculation.co.uk say, is still a Saints player.

The start of the game was kind of null and void as far as Saints were concerned with Tranmere being the more lively and Saints just kind of being there. Hang on, we should be pinning them back ... but we weren’t. On the quarter hour, Tranmere deservedly went in front when a cross from the right was flicked up in the air and Fonte and Davis looked at eachother as it bounced between them.... in nipped Welch and poked it in the net. It’s abysmal, it really is and it’s 99% the keepers fault. He’s facing the play, he can see everything, he has to call and make the decision, he has to take responsibility. My guess is that he didn’t call and Fonte was waiting for the call – understandably as it was only 6 yards out. If he didn’t get a call then Fonte should really have just got rid of it but he can be forgiven as the keeper HAS to come and sort it out, it was in the 6 yard box for fucks sake.

Five minutes later and an injury break meant that Nigel had the opportunity to administer an 11-man bollocking which showed you what he thought of it all. Sir Rickie headed wide from Chambo’s cross and Saints came close as half time approached with the Gulyman meeting a Dickson cross and forcing the keeper to claw it away. Radio Dave made this sound like a fantastic save but it really wasn’t all that.

Half time and crap with Tranmere just content to sit back and soak up our somewhat clueless attempts the break them down. Our Lallanaless performances are beginning to become a bit of an issue. Still, 45 to go... stay positive and stay on the bus.

Any thoughts of being positive were alive for a few second half minutes as Sir Rickie looked dangerous without looking like scoring. Positivity and optimism left the building and got off of the bus on the hour mark with a Tranny break, a ball inside Richardson to Jennings who decides to hit it first time from about 35 yards. The shot curls round Davis and bounces up into the net. It’s a wierd goal – great vision and execution but how did it go in? Was the keeper not expecting a shot? Was he in the wrong position? Put it this way – there are question marks against Not-so-superkelv again as he scrabbled around on the ground.

Nigel made his one attacking substitution (Ryan Doble must be heading for some sort of record of appearances on the bench without playing a minute) a bit earlier than usual but took off the wrong man with Dickson making way for Barney. Surely Harding should have come off as Dickson is a better attacker or maybe the Invisible Schneiderlin. So, Barney went up front, Chambo was playing behind them, as was Guly and in fact, the midfield was a complete mess with very little width. Barney’s first contribution was to fall over and get booked when he was looking for a penalty. Radio Dave was not impressed and called the dive even before the ref booked him – from that, even allowing for Merrington senility – we can assume it was a correct call.

The last 20 minutes were a bit of siege on the Tranmere goal but Warner in goal kept us out, first denying Barnard and then Harding. Saints had numerous efforts fly high and wide from Chambo, Sir Rickie and Schneiderlin as we finally played with the intensity that we should have had from the start. You got the impression that if we got one then we would get two but you also knew that we probably wouldn’t get one..... and so it proved, despite the additional 5 minutes of injury time.

Perhaps Nigel needs to chew on this over his miserable dinner... The bus needs an MOT and a few quid spent on it to keep the wheels moving. We were rubbish and deserved to lose and a performance like this is not acceptable according to Nigel and according to me. The bottom line is that when a team defends deep against us and in numbers, we have no way of unlocking them, especially when Lallana isn’t there. Usually, away from home, we get more space but Tranmere to their credit, played like an away side, left one up front and played on the break. To counteract this gameplan, you have to score first and early which means starting fast and putting a team under pressure. We totally failed to do this today and once Tranmere went in front, we were always struggling.

As documented earlier, I feel Davis was at fault for both goals and this must be something that’s on Nigel’s mind now after the recent balls in the Brentford home game which we lost in very similar fashion. Like the Brentford game, Davis gifted them the first goal, then a second which was questionable at best and then we couldn’t get back into it. The second goal v Brentford was remarkably similar to today’s first goal – ball up in the air, keeper doesn’t claim, they react, we don’t. In both cases the ball came down within 6 yards of the goal – keepers ball every time... punch it or catch it or shovel it over the bar... don't just fucking leave it. Tranmere had two shots and scored two goals... is it time for the Bartman? Personally, I think it is. He got dropped last year for no reason after 7 or 8 decent performances and deserves an opportunity again.

In his post match, Nigel was clearly about to have a go at Schneiderlin but reigned himself in. Morgan’s been playing well recently but he does have these games where he starts badly and then gets worse, his head goes down and there is no way back. At the moment, he’s the kind of player who you could safely substitute at half time when he’s playing badly but when you only have Gobern on the bench, you have to stick with it. Up front we had a few chances but Sir Rickie was not at his best and the introduction of Barney to liven things up (which he did), came about 15 minutes too late again. The first half was that bad, it really could have been made at half time.

After the weekend, we dropped down to 4th place with Huddersfield winning and the great Bournemouth slide totally failing to materialise as they beat table-topping Brighton. We are two points off 2nd with a game in hand so it’s not wrist-slitting time as yet but a reality check and a realisation that we are not going to ‘walk’ to promotion – as if we ever were.

Transfer window rubbish and it seems that Arsene Wenger is breaking all the gentlemans agreements that don’t exist for the big clubs (and Portsmouth) and is talking about a player who is under contract at another club. Apparently, Alex wants to sign for them though no agreement has been reached with Saints. Annoying though this is, the direct quote from Wenger suddenly makes it look a lot more likely that Alex will be on his way.... maybe we should put a bid in for Dale Jennings as a replacement – we could certainly do worse.

Next week we have the game that I suspect was on a few players minds today... Man Utd at home in the FA Cup 4th Round. They warmed up for it by beating Birmingham 5-0 whereas we lost 2-0 to Tranmere. Should be close then. Am I looking forward to it? – no, not really. I reckon we should pick a really attacking line-up and just go for it, Bart in goal, Richardson, Fonte, Martin, Dickson in defence, Morgan, Chappers and Alex in midfield with Guly just in front.... Barney and Sir Rickie up front. Just fucking go for it.

League 1 Match 24 - Southampton 0 Notts County 0

Tactics Board - Notts County

Notts County at home in a meeting of the two in-form sides in the League. It should be a good game and I’m trying to get away from the assumption that Notts County will attempt to kick us off the park as they are managed by Paul Ince who did that as a player, before posturing in Macho Bollocks Guv’nor pose. I think I used that line in the away blog on Notts County. They also have Lee Hughes playing up front who is a decent player – just don’t let him drive.

Despite our excellent 6-0 away win in the week, the vast majority of Saints news this week has centred on the transfer of Alex Chamberlain, which all the media is desperate to happen. As I said last week, I don’t think we should even listen unless someone offers £20m as we are now in the financial position to not accept the first offer from one of the big clubs. Occasionally I check on NewsNow to see if there are any breaking Saints stories on the web. I am now officially going to stop doing that as it makes my blood boil.

Yesterday, Nigel Adkins gave an interview saying that we’d had no offers and no one has mentioned a fee at all. Today it’s 10 million, 12 million, 5 million up front, bids by the weekend, wants to go to Chelsea who will loan back for the rest of the season, Man Utd win the race, Arsenal agree a fee, Liverpool prepare £12m bid, Stoke will sign him cos his dad played for them 30 years ago – he also played for Pompey so I expect they’ll come up with £10m to buy him. All complete and utter rubbish and guess work, reported as if it’s fact. Here’s some facts – these are some of the websites that print this shite - Caught Offside, Sporting Preview, A Different League, Tribal Football, Give Me Football, Clubcall, Goal.com. My my, aren’t there a lot of them all desperately trying to establish their niche in an already saturated market by inventing stories that have to be more sensational than anyone elses. Hope they die soon.

Tribal Football is the worst of the lot by a mile. Today (Friday) they ran a story titled, “Arsenal agree Oxlade-Chamberlain terms with Ipswich”. I know that Don Nicola can be seen as a little different, a little controversial perhaps but I’d still be very surprised if he’s letting a different club negotiate who we sell our player to. Perhaps Saints are playing Arsenal in the second leg of the League Cup Semi Final in a week or so. Perhaps the scribe of this masterpiece was watching the Brisbane floods on TV, which centre on Ipswich and he wasn’t concentrating. It took two hours for them to replace Ipswich with Southampton in that World Exclusive which gives you some idea of the quality control that goes on at Tribal Football. I would personally love to see a bomb up the arse of all these websites. There is the ‘freedom of the press’ argument but I don’t think that covers the making up of complete lies and bollocks, based on nothing whatsoever.

Rant over, for now. By the time I finish this, Alex will probably be on his way. He’s in the team today though which shows just the one change from Oldham and it’s a significant one with Lallana being injured and replaced with Puncheon. Deano is still not fit, even for the bench and nor is Connolly who was being rested after 3 games sitting on his ass in a week. Lee Barnard was on the bench having this week been charged with ABH in the now infamous, White House ‘did you spill my pint?’ incident. On the subject of the law of the land, Notts County didn’t have Lee Hughes after all as he was injured.

Away we go and soon it was time for a glorious chance as a Dickson through ball put Guly away on the left. As he bore down on goal he was faced with a choice of trying to score a Hollywood goal from a tight angle with his wrong foot or sliding it across for Chamberlain to tap into an empty net. I reckon that if he hadn’t scored so many goals recently, he’d have passed it but he lashed it wide of the far post and the chance was gone.

Schneiderlin tried his luck next as the keeper duffed a clearance and Morgan returned it first time from 45 yards but it sailed into the Chapel and we created another chance on 20 minutes as Schneiderlin put Sir Rickie away down the right. His low cross beat everyone and went to Puncheon and everyone hoped he would display his Millwall form and smash it in the net but he displayed his finest SFC form, had a bad first touch and shinned it over the bar.

The referee was having a bit of a mare and he allowed Harley to escape with just a lecture for scything through Chamberlain from behind. The SMS faithful were having a bit of a grumble and then, thirty seconds later, Richardson trashed through the back of Judge and the yellow card came out. So inconsistent that it was comical. A minute later again and Chaplow went up for a header on the edge of our own box and was clearly thumped in the back in mid air which caused him to collapse on the ground. Play on. Chappers carried on after that but was clearly struggling.

Another chance came and went as a Punch corner was met by an unmarked Jaidi who spared us all his over-excited goal celebration by heading it over the bar. Approaching half time and Chamberlain was again looking our most dangerous player and he flew down the right wing again and cut in. He then attempted the same sand-wedge chip shot to the back post that came off against Dagenham and Redbridge but unfortunately, this time it dropped inches wide as we all went oooooh and the watching scouts all started playing with themselves in excitement and all the website wrote more shit world exclusives.

Chaplow unsurprisingly didn’t emerge for the second half and was replaced with Gobern to make a none-to-intimidating central midfield partnership with Schneiderlin. Saints started the second half well and came close when Puncheon’s corner was met by a combination of Fonte and Jaidi and we had one of those ‘has it crossed the line?’ moments. Didn’t look like it from where I was and so it was proved. It was Fonte again a few minutes later as he picked up a clearance about thirty yards out before advancing a few yards and hammering a 25 yarder just wide with the keeper nowhere. He’s some player that boy.

I have nothing to say about the middle period of the second half as nothing happened. I think I may have fallen asleep and lost time somewhere as it was suddenly 10 minutes to go and the senses had well and truly been dulled.

Twenty minutes later than we should have done, we made a change with Barnard replacing Puncheon to little effect. I thought Punch was a bit unlucky to be taken off as he was far from the worst performer out there. Actually, he wasn’t far from Sir Rickie at all, about ten yards. Far from us now having attacking impetus, Notts nearly completely took the piss and won it when a free kick was floated in which Davis misjudged (thinking it was a cross) before back-peddling and shoving it over the bar. The resulting corner was headed goalwards and off the line by Dickson and so the ultimate smash and grab was averted and it ended 0-0.

It was one of those games that will not live long in the memory. Notts County came for a point and got it, end of story really. If they more than one player in our half at once, it was a bit of a rarity. We had the chance to take the lead on 12 minutes which would have made a massive difference but the Gulyman butchered it and following that, our attempts to find a way past the massed ranks of defenders, were in the main clueless and we didn’t force their keeper into a save over the entire 90 minutes. Tiredness was a factor for us but short of bringing in Barnard from the start, squad rotation wouldn’t have changed things much going forward. Losing Chaplow was a big blow and I believe there were better options on the bench than bringing on Gobern who was a weak link. Personally, I would have dropped Guly into midfield and brought Barney on up top. Gobern may make it as an effective player in the future but he isn’t at the moment as he’s too timid and seems to fall over constantly.

At risk of sounding like Andy Townshend in his tactics truck, when faced with a massed defence that you can’t play through, you either have to go over it or round it. The aerial route was rubbish as Sir Rickie was getting battered by their defenders and the referee wasn’t giving him anything other than quizzical looks and we didn’t try getting down the wings – in fact we made it worse by swapping Chambo and Punch so they were on the ‘wrong’ wings so play funnelled even more down the middle. I thought Nigel banged on about making the pitch big when we have the ball.

You can’t win them all and this is a frustrating result but not a disastrous one even though we’ve dropped a position with Huddersfield winning. It’s been a bizarre week for the Moaning Dorset Bastards with Eddie Howe turning down Palace and Charlton, saying he was staying and how much he loved the club blah blah blah, before leaving two days later and joining Burnley – staying long enough to preside over a 2-1 defeat at Colchester. I think he’ll regret this move.

Saints now embark on 3 away games in a row, from which we really need to get 7 points from. First up is Tranmere, followed by Exeter and then Peterbrough. In the middle of that lot, we have the Northern Monkeys in the Cup so we get to play Taggart Snr and Taggart Jnr (now manager of Peterbrough again) in the next few matches. I want them both to be miserable....

League 1 Match 23 - Oldham 0 Southampton 6

Scared shitless !!!

Now it was time for one of those games that last year, we didn’t like. Oop North on a cold night in the rain on a dodgy pitch. The dodgy pitch belonged to Oldham and Boundary Park always brings back bad memories for Saints fans of a certain age. Oldham gave us a decent game at SMS earlier in the season and Paul Dickov, their manager was promising more of the same. He had brought in Saints legend Neal Trotman on loan which will be interesting as the last time he played against us was for a Huddersfield side who we battered 5-0.

Predictably, Saints changed the team around, bringing back some of the players who Nigel felt we didn’t need in order to beat Holloway’s lot. So, back came Davis, Fonte, Jaidi, Dickson, Chaplow, Chamberlain and the Gulyman and out went Bart, Seaborne, Martin, Harding, Hammond through injury, Puncheon through illness and Barnard. The crowd was swelled with the ever annoying presence of Damien Comolli from Liverpool, no doubt checking out promising youngster Radhi Jaidi, to replace those idiots that they’ve got at the back for Liverpool. Also in attendance was old Taggart himself, Sir Alex Ferguson, no doubt checking us out for the Cup game but also checking on the keeper he’s just loaned to Oldham, Ben Amos.

It was all Saints from the off and it took a whole 7 minutes for us to take the lead as Lallana picked out Sir Rickie at the back post. Showing a remarkable unselfishness for a striker, he first barged past a defender and instead of smashing it goalwards from a tight angle he just rolled it into the path of Chamberlain who drilled it home.

Ben Amos, under the watchful gaze of his manager, Sir Taggart of Manchester, must have reminded him of the great Massimo Taibi in the 35th minute when he allowed a Lallana in acres of space, scuffed a left footed effort straight at him which Amos allowed to go through his legs and bobble into the net to make it 2-0. The more you see it, the funnier it gets. Oh dear, not good. Great for us though and heading into half time with a bit of a cushion which we then tried to throw away by allowing some bloke to hit the post with a close range header before a scene reminiscent of a Charlie Chaplin film took place as Richardson smashed a clearance against Jaidi and it rebounded to Fonte who missed it and the ball ended up back with the original Oldham player who then, in a perfect demonstration of crap finishing, stabbed the rebound wide from barely a yard.

We made it to half time with our 2-0 lead intact but predictably, Oldham emerged with a new purpose in the 2nd half. Basically, they had to score the next goal or they were screwed. It’s all Oldham and we’re soaking up a it of pressure but it’s obviously a ploy as Chaplow wins the ball in midfield and ten seconds later, it’s 3-0 as Schneiderlin sends Sir Rickie away down the right and he sets up the Gulyman who produces an excellent first time finish past the Ghost of Taibi.

Just when you’re thinking that it can’t get any better, it does as Lallana pulls out his signature move of cutting in from the left and onto his right foot. As everyone anticipates the curler to the back stick, he just lays it into the path of the onrushing Chappers via a bit of a lucky deflection and the new Chrissy Marsden smashes it first time into the top corner for 4-0. It’s more or less Lallana’s last contribution as he is replaced with Carlton Palmer Gobern. Sir Taggart has had enough of seeing the Ghost of Taibi humiliated and chooses this time to depart, no doubt with images of a Le Tissier daisy-cutter in his mind.

Thinking that the sub was Nigel’s way of closing the game out, we immediately break forward again and Gobern should really have scored but he fell over in a sprawling mass of arms and legs following an air shot. Two minutes later and a bit of pinball and Oscar manages to poke the ball via the keeper to Sir Rickie for him to sidefoot in for 5-0 and the goal he deserved.

Sensing that the game was well and truly won, Nigel saw no need to allow Comolli a longer look at promising youngster Radhi and so he replaced him and Chamberlain with Dan Seaborne and Lee Barnard. There was still time for Sir Rickie to play in the Gulyman whose pass found Barney’s well timed run and he skipped past the Ghost of Taibi to make it 6. I’m sure there was loads of other stuff that went on in the game but with so many goals to talk about, I can’t be arsed.

Well League 1, have some of that then! I don’t subscribe to all this ‘quaking in their boots’ bollocks but it’s the kind of result that does get noticed. To score 6 away from home against anyone is a big deal no matter who you are and who you’re playing against. Oldham had only lost once at home this season and only let in 11 goals at home until Saints turned up. Even that twat Roger Milford couldn’t have added enough time to allow them to equalize this time. I always thought of Oldham as one of the sounder sides defensively and Hazell is one of the best defenders I’ve seen at this level. Maybe it was the Trotman factor.

Nigel was quick to point out that it is only 3 points at the end of the day and that you need to listen, be on the bus, in the building and taking care of business. He’s right of course and we must be wary of ‘after the Lord Mayor’s show’ when we play Whinging Ince and his Notts County mob on Saturday. That goes for the fans too who have to accept that 1-0 on Saturday will do.

Following Hollowaygate at the weekend, it was nice to be ‘having a laugh’ again so soon. I will be having a laugh again tonight if they get battered by Liverpool (sadly they didn’t!!!). Talking of Liverpool... The media today is full of every team in the top 5 and mid-table average teams like Liverpool and Stoke looking to pay £10m for Alex Chamberlain. Where did that figure come from? I guess the figure comes from the fact that Walcott and Bale were around the £10m mark so that’s what the media has guessed at.... but there’s a difference now in that we don’t need the money. In my opinion we should be looking for double that in order to be tempted. So – Liverpool or whoever, give us upwards of £20m or better still, fuck off and spend the money developing your own players.

Oh yeah, Fergie.... be afraid, be very afraid....

FA Cup 3rd Round - Southampton 2 Blackpool 0

Yes, we're having a laugh, you bell-end.

FA Cup 3rd Round day and we’re up against Blackpool from the Barclays Cash Cow League. Blackpoool manager and part-time comedian, Ian Holloway told us in advance that he was sending a combination of reserve / youth team players down to play us. One hopes that he thought his team could at least get a draw from the game but who knows. With both teams prioritising elsewhere, it would be interesting to see how keenly each team contested this game and what would happen should it be level going into the last few minutes.

The day started off in fine fashion with Adam Lallana signing a new contract to keep him (relatively speaking) at SMS for the next 4 and a half years. You never know what clauses are in these contracts (so don’t believe what anyone might print on a web forum) but on the face of it, it’s as good a news as we could get. Fair play to you Adam and I hope the club can reward you suitably by getting promoted this season. Now of course, we need to tie up Tommy Forecast on a new five year deal and the squad is complete.

Talking of Dismal Forecast, he’s on the bench as Superkelv is given the day off and Bart is in goal. Centre backs are Aaron Martin and Dan Seaborne, the former of which is making his first appearance for Nigel Adkins. Midfield sees the biggest shock with Jason Puncheon in the side having returned from his loan spell at Millwall. It’s a strange one as he scored 5 goals in 7 matches for them, having been shite for us in a league lower down this season. He also had a dig at Nigel in the papers and any hope of a permanent move for him collapsed when we (allegedly) asked for nearly a million. So, an interesting one. Barney was back up front as the Gulyman was rested. Blackpool’s team contained Brett Ormerod and Jason Euell up front – one player we liked and one we didn’t. Regardless of how I felt about them, I wasn’t worried about the attacking threat posed by either.

Due to my own incompetence, I had got tickets late for this and so the FA Cup tour of SMS has landed me in the Kingsland, up near the Northam End so that’s Northam, Itchen, Kingland for the three rounds so far. The online ticketing system really should tell you when the person sitting in front of you weighs upwards of 25 stone and when they stand up to let someone in, it’s like the sun has gone out. Still – no moaning twat Chuckle Brothers behind me today so can’t complain.

The game starts and what a cracking game it is with both sides trying to play open attractive football. We are in the main managing this and Blackpool have Ormerod and Euell – they also have Matt Phillips who looks a cracking player who is going to give Harding a tough afternoon.

The ball is in the net on 20 minutes when Rachubka is standing with the ball in one hand which Barney heads it out of before rolling it into the net. For a fleeting moment I wondered if this was allowed but according to today’s ref it isn’t which is probably correct. I bet you can find a League 1 ref who would have given it – Andy D’Urso perhaps.

Talking of the ref – he then decides that there is far too much flowing football going on and he has to make himself the centre of attention, first booking Richardson for looking the wrong way and then Martin for pulling out of a tackle. We then have a golden chance to take the lead when Rachubka is flapping around like a budgie and the ball falls to Sir Rickie who manages to smash it against the bar from close range, the ball rebounding and hitting him before dribbling off for a goal kick. The Blockpool keeper is the busiest player on the park though as he has to save from Barney after Lallana teed him up and then has to save from Lallana himself who should have done better when the surprisingly excellent Puncheon teed him up.

Just before half time we had a show of Premiership quality from the visitors as Phillips delivered an excellent cross but fortunately for us, it was onto the head of Euell who didn’t make any contact because he’s crap. Nil-Nil at half time and fatty in front of me begins the long and painful ascent out of his seat and heads towards a half time burger I guess.

The second half starts and it’s exhibition stuff from Schneiderlin which ends in him firing narrowly over the bar. Ten minutes in and we take a deserved lead as Hammond binned someone in the tackle to win the ball high up the pitch and puts Sir Rickie clean through on the left edge of the box. And Sir Rickie must score but he doesn’t and his shot is saved by the foot of Rachubka before rebounding to Barney who takes as long as it takes me to shout ‘ fucking hit it’, before burying it past the two defenders on the line.

Matt Phillips, the one Blackpool player to stand out, created their best effort but his excellent strike from the left was well tipped over by Bart who to be fair, would have been disappointed if he hadn’t saved it. Bart has a difficult moment when he flapped at another Phillips cross but was bailed out by Aaron Martin who produced one of those 100 metre clearances he’s so good at.

In a substitution frenzy – Deano goes down and is replaced by Dickson and then Brett Ormerod is subbed to a standing ovation in recognition for his services to Saints and also for playing another game at SMS without scoring. Blackpool bring on a couple more kids and it’s now all Saints with Barney again testing the keeper and then Sir Rickie teeing up Dicko to go close. We need a 2nd goal and so we need Chamberlain and The Gulyman with Lallana and Barney making way.

On 83 minutes came the clincher as Sir Rickie, running like a man carrying Radhi Jaidi on his back, kept the ball in over on the left wing and fed it inside to Dickson who cleverly stepped over it, allowing it to run to The Gulyman who turned away from goal before smashing a right footed effort around the keeper and into the net. A quite stunning goal and the place went nuts.

There was still time for another chance as Chamberlain went through but instead of squaring to where the unmarked Punch would have had a tap-in, he lashed it past the keeper but unfortunately, it pinged off the angle of post and bar before rebounding away.

A superb performance by us and a thoroughly deserved win. I have never seen a Saints midfield so fluid in formation and so committed. The ball retention was excellent and the closing down and covering was different class. Though I occasionally slate him, the best player on the pitch was Schneiderlin who was simply brilliant, never wasting a ball, never shirking a tackle and being involved for the whole 90 minutes, more so than in any other game I’ve seen him play. Jason Puncheon had his best game of the season for us (not hard) and though I didn’t particularly want him back, on that form he’s going to give teams problems. Over to Nigel to use his degree in psychology (or whatever, to get Punch to want to stay. Lalllana, Chamberlain and Dickson also gave Blackpool massive problems and with a bit more care, all three could have had goals. Defensively we were sound with both Martin and Seaborne having good games and stifling the prolific and savagely dangerous Euell/Ormerod dream team up front. Up front for us, Sir Rickie worked his ass off but really should have scored, both in the first half when he hit the bar and in the second, just before Barney scored…. and then there’s the Gulyman. What. A. Goal – brilliant strike.

Holloway’s post match interview consisted of a dig at the harmless chant of “Premier League, you’re having a laugh”, which was directed at his team. His little comedy rant was no doubt designed to neatly deflect the attention away from the fact that his team were shite and got spanked by a League 1 team who made nearly as many changes. Lets face it, we left out our regular keeper, best centre half, most experienced centre-half, most in-form midfielder (Chaplow) and striker (Guly) – not to mention our hot prospect (shhhhh, don’t tell anyone)….. and we still beat you easily. The funny thing is of course that we’ve been drawn against Man Utd at home in the 4th Round which would have been a nice little money spinner for Blackpool. Anyway, normally I’d have wanted Blackpool to beat Liverpool in their league match on Tuesday but I hope they get battered. To be fair, I’ll go back to liking Holloway again next week but for now he can jog on. Having a pop at us for that is bollocks, especially when he failed to mention the standing ovation for Brett Ormerod. So, yes Ian, we are having a laugh… because we dicked you.

So – Southampton versus Manchester United. As mentioned above, I couldn’t believe it when we got drawn against those twats again. As I’ve said before, the 3rd Round defeat a couple of years back ranks as one of my very worst experiences as a Saints fan because after about a hour, I just didn’t care any more. Then there was relegation in 2005 when they beat us 2-1 and some year in the 90’s when they won the League at The Dell and the Milton End was crawling with Man U fans with Hampshire accents. Still, we play like today and we have a chance….

Lets talk local rivals for a second and it was nice to see Brighton knock Pompey out. It was annoying that Pompey were referred to in the media as ‘last years beaten finalists’ instead of ‘Dirty Skate bastards who cheated and lied their way to the final last year’.

On to more important stuff and Bournemouth’s convincing win over Plymouth in League 1 has moved them above us and so we’re 3rd, so a win v Oldham on Tuesday night is required to get us back into the automatic spot. Bring on the Dickov.

As an aside…. I was listening to Radio Merrington on the way home and I heard the interview with Eddie Howe. He’s been offered either or both of the Charlton and Crystal palace jobs and has to make his mind up. I can only speak for myself but if I was him, I’d stay at Bournemouth. He’s achieving great things there with the restrictions he’s under (a proper transfer embargo, not a Pompey ‘do as you fucking like’ one) and he’d be mad to throw that away to join clubs where he will be under big pressure to deliver or else he will get fired within 18 months. If he was being offered a Premiership job then fair enough but he’s only 33 and he has years of management ahead of him. In my opinion he should stay and learn at a club where he’s not under too much pressure. It’s the same argument as why Alex Chamberlain should stay with Saints at this early stage of his career - there is no need to move when you are that young. The silver lining is that if Howe does go, you can’t see Bournemouth maintaining their challenge but then…. I’ve been saying that for a while and the Moaning Dorset Bastards are still above us.

League 1 Match 22 - Dagenham & Redbridge 1 Southampton 3

Hedge End Crossroads. Surprised Old Lady out of shot.

And the games come thick and fast with a trip to Dagenham and Redbridge who play at the LB Barking and Dagenham Care in the Community Stadium or something like that. Having duffed them 4-0 at SMS earlier in the season and them being in the bottom three, it was of course a game that we should win but we do have a habit of making a balls of such games.

Having only played two days ago, there was of course the question of which players would be rotated. Everyone had a chance except for the only one who most needed a rest, Alex Chamberlain as we have no replacement in the squad other than Lee Holmes who is currently in hospital waiting for his leg to grow back. In the end we switched Dickson in for Harding, Butterfield for Richardson, Hammond for Schneiderlin and Jaidi for Seaborne. Aside from the right back switch, I felt that all of these changes made the team stronger than the home game against Exeter so overall I was very confident we could continue the winning streak.

Away we go and roll up, roll up, it’s time for the procession as we set up camp in the Daggers half and manage not to score. We’re playing some really good attractive football and the combination play between Sir Rickie and The Gulyman is looking more promising by the week. However, we haven’t got a week, we’ve got 90 minutes and Sir Rickie sets up The Gulyman to head straight at Tony Roberts (38), who I thought quit with dodgy knees in about 1996.

We have obviously been practicing the move whereby we take a throw in across the pitch and the recipient just lashes it first time (Sir Rickie v Huddersfield) and so it came to pass again that Butters threw in to Chamberlain who lashed it first time left footed but Roberts (42) managed to keep it out with his zimmer frame.

Adam Lallana showed why he is far too good for this league with a wonderful drag back and turn from a tight spot out on the right wing before feeding Chamberlain on the left who cut in and thumped it wide and it was Chamberlain again who must have impressed this weeks unwelcome Liverpool FC pariah by skinning the full back and putting the cross on The Gulyman’s head from which he really should have scored…. but he didn’t and so, somehow, we went in at 0-0 having had about 70% possession.

Half time was upon us and I had manage to get myself in front of a radio to listen to the 2nd half and the Genius of Merrington, which sounds like one of those weird religious groups that spring up in desolate places in America. I apologise if you are the old lady at the traffic lights in Hedge End who gave me a very funny look as I gave it the large ‘GET IN THERE…..’ as following good work from Chamberlain, Sir Rickie laid it back for Ryan Dickson to cross and Lallana to bicycle kick it past Roberts (48) for 1-0.

1-0 nearly became two when following a hoof up in the air from Superkelv, Guly controlled superbly to the onrushing Chaplow who drove just over the bar from 35 yards. I beglected the mention last week that we have signed Chappers on a permanent deal now and what a deal that is. He is always in the box when we are attacking and a snapping, annoying terrier-like midfielder when we haven’t got the ball. The only thing he seems to lack is the ability to just hold the play up as he seems to want to just pile in whenever he gets near an opposition player.

The boys on the radio then get very excited about a penalty shout for the Daggers. They got so excited that they totally failed to tell us anything about what actually happened the useless bastards.

“That looked like a penalty didn’t it Dave ?”,
“Well it did but ….. (pause)”…..
“ and Fonte clears for Saints”.

That’s cleared that up then, brilliant piece of radio chaps, well done.

Barney has come on for Chamberlain with The Gulyman switching to the right wing and it’s from here where he picks up a decent pass from Barney before beating the left back on the outside, cutting inside the lunging tackle from the centre back and burying it under Roberts (52) to make it 2-0. Dave is in radio dreamland over the goal and is giving it over the top gushing enthusiasm of the highest order. It cannot be denied that it’s a brilliant goal and game over …… or not.

Five minutes later and Dagenham are hoofing it into our box with abandon and we’re not helping ourselves as a Hammond airshot presents a decent chance which is fired over the bar. It’s a temporary reprieve though as a cross comes in and Fonte is beaten in the air by Scott who makes it 2-1 on 85 minutes. Surely we can’t fuck this up now. We have a bloody good go though as Tomlin floats a free kick over the wall, it beats Davis and hits the underside of the bar before hitting Superkelv on the back and somehow staying out. We are lucky buggers.

Having survived that scare, the inevitable happens and a Richardson through ball is taken on by Sir Rickie who keeps his cool really well to hold off the last defender and lob it over the onrushing Roberts (58) who gets back to his feet courtesy of a Stannah Stair Lift. Full time, 3-1, get in and all hail the Genius of Merrington. There was some more radio gold in the dying seconds as some Lallana skill is described as ‘step backs and drag overs’. It’s painful and he’s a knob…. but he’s our knob so we should be respectful.

OK, it was a bit squeaky arsed before we made it 3-1 but who cares. We won and stay in 2nd place. It could have been even better but bloody Brighton won 2-1 in the last minute and so we stay 6 points behind them but in the end, we worry about ourselves. Today was a game that everyone expected us to win and for once we did, instead of being the team that buggers up everyone’s accumulators and keeps all the money in the bookies.

I think the highlight today was the show of squad strength and it’s well known that you build from a position of strength. Let’s hope that that’s a cliché that’s well known in Switzerland as well. Individually, it was a fantastic goal by The Gulyman even though the gloss was slightly taken off it by Dave Merrington and his over excitement…. and of course, Sir Rickie is back with his clinical finish for the 3rd goal showing that he’s getting back to last years levels. It’s all getting a bit exciting being up the top of a division which is not an experience I’ve had too often in 35 years of support.

Next up we have the slightly unwelcome distraction of Blackpool at home in the FA Cup. However, win and the confidence builds, lose and no bother really. I hope that Brett Ormerod is playing and I fully expect a chant of ‘you’ve got Brett Ormerod’ when he falls over trying to control the ball for the first time. Jason Euell... if there was a study to decide who was the worst Saints player pound for pound, I reckon Jason would be 2nd behind Agustin Delgado.

League 1 Match 21 - Southampton 4 Exeter 0

Look over there... another goal

Happy New Year and a hangover arrives at SMS, having crawled out of bed at 12.30. I had one job to do before I left which was to walk the dog and when I was out, a fellow hardy dog walker noticed my scarf and asked who we were playing today and the only name I could think of was Stella Artois. I didn’t have a clue. A quick check of the internet when I was alone gave me Exeter City as the answer. Well, should beat them anyway….

Arrived at the ground and did the obligatory New year handshake with the people around me whose names I barely know. I thought about offering the hand of New Year friendship to the Chuckle Brothers but decided against it, partly because I didn’t want to be a hypocrite, partly because I didn’t want to engage in conversation, but mostly because they are twats.

To the team and Nigel had decided that Jaidi was to miss this game and play on Monday night at the Daggers and so in came Dan Seaborne to play against his former club. Richardson came in for Butterfield and Hammond was missing thorough illess (Stella Artois inflicted ?) and so Chaplow started alongside Schneiderlin. Barnard and Connolly again had to be content with a place on the bench, from where they would watch The Gulyman play up front. Exeter had Jamie Cureton up front and apparently he always scores against us – however, he is 46 now so maybe we can keep him out. They also had Jake Thomson on the bench who lft us on a free having played a few first team games in Jan Poortvliet’s ‘Total Football My Arse’ regime.

The opening five minutes was quite even with Saints having a chance when Fonte got on the end of a long diagonal cross and headed just wide of the post and then Exeter having a little spell of possession in our half which suggested that they were quite a decent side. However, Exeter didn’t really look like they had a cutting edge and hopefully that would continue.

We had been playing for ten minutes and nothing really of note had happened and a nondescript ball got played forward and Superkelv came out and controlled it outide the box before knocking it to Richardson at right back. A really boring incident but the Whining Chuckle Brother started moaning. Why did ‘ee do thaaaaaaaaaaat ?. I don’t know if it was my hangover or my New Years resolution (‘Take no Prisoners’) but I decided to have a pop with ‘what exactly was wrong with what he did?’. As I suspected, there was no clue and no answer and then a half hearted ‘I expect better’. I explained in a semi-aggressive manner that we were in League 1 and if you want better then go and support someone else. Silence. I’m not proud of myself but it felt good.

Right on cue we scored as a hoof from Seaborne came down on Sir Rickie who was clambered on by the centre half. To his credit, the ref waved play on and Lallana’s pass was deflected into the path of The Gulyman who ran on and beat the keeper with ease for 1-0. I knew he’d score today – so much so that I didn’t put any money on it.

Exeter had an effort from the edge of the box which Davis tipped over as they continued to probe and cause us a few problems in midfield. We just looked much more likely to score when we went forward and Chaplow nearly did as half time approached when he whipped in a cross which nearly caught the keeper out at the near post but unfortunately the bastard recovered to tip it over.
Half time and 1-0 and I felt that one more goal would see this game done and dusted. I have to take a bit of issue here with the half time competition in which a 9 year old girl was up against some bloke to win a signed Lallana shirt on the ‘higher / lower’ shit numbers game. The rules are that a squad number is shown and you have to guess whether the next on is higher or lower. She got No 11 first up which is right in the middle and she got it wrong whereas the bloke got No 2 and therefore won. Not only was that grossly unfair but if that was me, I couldn’t take a prize if I was up against a 9 year old girl – hang your head in shame Sir.

Hopefully the 9 year old would be cheered up by the 2nd half display which started with Lallana teeing up Sir Rickie for a trademark first time shot which was on its way until it was blocked by a bloke who will now be sporting a very sore arse. Ten minutes in and we got the breathing space as an Exeter player fell over and gave us a throw – quick as you like, the ball boy in the turban threw a ball to Richardson who took the throw long to Chamberlain who skipped past the full back before delivering it on a plate to the Gulyman who couldn’t miss. 2-0, game over and well played the multi-ball system and the ball boy in the turban.

Over the next 35 minutes, Saints created about a chance a minute as Exeter continued to try and get back into it, only to leave wide open spaces and about two players at the back. To start with it looked for all the world that The Gulyman was going to complete his hat-trick as he cut inside and beat the keeper, only for someone to get back and clear it off the line. From the resulting corner, the ball was worked to Lallana who whipped in a cross from the left which evaded everyone and nestled in the far corner of the net. I thought it was a cross to start with but having seen it again… maybe he meant it.

Nigel then, showing a crushing lack of sentimentality, took off Guly and replaced him with Lee Barnard and the chances continued to flow as Sir Rickie teed up the substitute, only for him to hoof woefully over the bar. This set the tone for the next tem minutes as rather than putting it in the net, everyone seemed to want to piss about. Lallana tried to chip the keeper when clean through and it hit his foot, Chaplow fired wastefully over, Barnard hit row Z again and then Ryan Dickson (on today before Chamberlain got cramp) chipped the keeper, only for him to scramble back and flap it off for a corner.

The scoreline was made more realistic in the last minute as Dickson headed down to Barnard who cushioned it with his knee, thankfully it didn’t bounce too far and he swivelled and made it four, past three flailing Exeter defenders.

Woo-hoo, we’re up to 2nd. OK, it’s a bit false as we’ve played 5 more home games than away but who cares. Another very confortable home win, achieved by steam-rollering the opposition and making them look very very ordinary indeed. It’s not exaggerating to say that we could have won by 8 or 9 – the fact that we didn’t was largely down to our ‘piss about’ finishing when it was 3-0. On a day when Brighton hit 5, it would have been nice to at least match them but never mind, we can’t be greedy.

Plus points today were obviously The Gulyman with his two goals and it was nice to see Barney get a run out and a goal which proved that he wasn’t out pissing it up over New Year. The central midfield functioned well with Chappers and Schneiderlin operating well as a pair though I would still expect Deano to come back in when he’s finished vomiting. Elsewhere, only Dan Harding was a bit dodgy as he just doesn’t seem to be alert enough and on the rare occasions Exeter attacked down his side, he was beaten far too easily. I’ve noticed that Dan Seaborne is always dodgy for the first 10 minutes and then he improves and this was again the case today.

I wonder if the quietening effect of my mini-rant at the Whiny Chuckle Brother will carry over until the next home game. I really hope so but if not, my New Years Resolution will kick in again so there could be some more fun to be had.

In two days time we have that rarest of things – an away game. The Daggers are 3rd from bottom so I expect us to win and I expect this despite the near certainty of Nigel rotating some players. I’m sure Jaidi will come back for Seaborne and probably Hammond will replace Schneiderlin but what else…. maybe Barnard for Guly, maybe Dickson for Harding. None of these changes weaken us, that’s for sure so bring on another 3 points please….