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Bale out, Forecast In... I'm a Genius, me !
Sorry this is late... family break abroad... no internet.... still not seen the highlights as Saints Player is up the shitter...
Spurs at home on a Sunday, so scheduled as they had a Europa
League game on Thursday night. Usually
this would be completely unnecessary as whatever team was in Europa League
action would have played their reserves but fair play to Spurs and Andre
Villas-Boas, they’re playing more or less their full side and taking the
competition seriously. One player
missing from the European game was Gareth Bale who was on paternity leave but
bloody guess what, he’s back today and aren’t we lucky. It’s a shame his missus couldn’t have held out
until today but never mind. It’s odd but
I always want to see Theo Walcott and Alex Chamberlain do well but up until
now, I’ve never had much time for Gareth Bale.
Maybe it’s because he dives about when there’s no need or maybe it’s
because he doesn’t play for England.
Maybe of course it’s that we took Tommy Shit Forecast as part of the
deal which of course, is not Gareth’s fault.
Dear old Tommy Forecast… he who makes us remember Dear Old Rupert and
his cracking deal for a future England goalkeeper with the ‘North London
Yobboes’ who he’d declared some sort of Posh Boy war on over the Glenn Hoddle /
Dean Richards (RIP) defection. What a
twat Rupert was. Aside from Bale, Spurs
have many attacking players who scare the shite out of me as a Saints fan,
Lennon, Dempsey and even the ex-Skate Defoe who isn’t really a hate figure
because he is one of the many who have made them bankrupt.
Enough of Spurs for a minute, the last week has all been
about if and when Nigel Adkins would be fired in the wake of our shitefest at
West Ham. Whilst I wasn’t impressed with
his team selection, I can see absolutely no reason to jettison the man who has
brought us two successive promotions and I would be royally pissed off if we
did so. Who would we get as a
replacement… ‘Arry Fucking Redknapp is of course the media choice – you’re
having a laugh, especially if you’re in the press and pedalling that this is a
done deal…is it bollocks. Don Cortese
working with Harry Redknapp… yeah, right!
So, hopefully a decent performance today will put the Adkins obituaries
on hold for a while longer. We as fans
can’t control the shit that’s put in the press so lets ignore it and just back
the manager – he wants the same thing as us after all.
Artur Boruc makes his home bow in goal and unsurprisingly,
Sir Rickie is recalled. With J-Rod also
in the team it looks like it’s going to be a repeat showing of the failed ‘£6m
centre forward on the wing’ load of bollocks but as the game kicks off, despite
the FACT that “Cortese picks the team and formation” (© SFC Internet Mongs),
we’re definitely playing 4-4-2 which will of course bring all the conspiracy
theorists out of the woodwork and apologising for all the bollocks they
spout. No? Thought not.
Spurs are not playing in white because it of course clashes with our all
red strip and instead are wearing a very colourful grey and black number. Andre Villas-Boas seems a more likeable
character at Spurs as when he was at Chelsea when he put me in mind of a spoilt
child who had been given a very expensive train set which didn’t work properly. He pisses me off though because there’s a
Premier League manager who is ten years younger than me.
I bet both our full backs are hoping that Bale starts on the
other side but especially Danny Fox who got ripped to shreds by the ex-Saint in
a recent Wales v Scotland game. For now
though it’s Bale v Clyne and our current man keeps pace with him and gets the
tackle in. That’s about as good as it
got in the first half and I’m not joking in the slightest. Spurs had a real purpose about them while we
laboured to produce anything. Moments
after I said that I didn’t think much of Walker then he’s away down our left
with no one anywhere near him. His pull
back to Defoe is decent but the Skate slams it wide.
Having left Spurs with half a pitch on our left and got away
with it, we decide to give it another go as Defoe picks it up on the right with
Fox and Lallana nowhere. Maya goes over
and just shepherds him inside without even the hint of a tackle. Defoe feeds Huddlestone who with all the time
in the world, chips it to our right where Bale climbs above the static Clyne
and heads it across Boruc and in.
Absolute shit from us. It was
like watching red training cones. What’s
happened to tackling? What’s happened to
tracking your man? What’s happened
recognizing potential danger for fucks sake.
Garbage. To be fair, Bale’s
celebration is muted, possibly out of respect for Saints and possibly because
it was so fucking easy.
There are twenty five minutes to half time and I’m already
hoping that we make it without being further behind. To be fair we do actually defend ok for 20
minutes with Fonte and Yoshida coping well with anything to came from Spurs but
it’s back to normal on 40 minutes as Lennon is allowed to run from the edge of
his own penalty area with no challenge at all, slip it to Defoe who turns it
past Boruc towards the goal. Jose
manages to get back to it but seems to overruns in and can only scoop it into
the onrushing Dempsey and it bounces into the net for another apology of a
goal.
At the time I wasn’t sure why but it was obviously some fans
of ours had had a pop at Boruc and as Celtic history tells us, Artur won’t take
it lieing down and so he gave some back – good for him. No doubt there will be ‘fans’ kicking off
about this later.
Half time and thank God for that. Bloody terrible. It was as bad a first half as I can remember from
Saints. If you ponder what you need in a
good team and then compared that list to what Saints have then we come up
pretty short. We have no strong
defenders, no strength in midfield, no pace on wings and no threat up front. No attack and no defence and basically,
bollocks.
The second half, as it had to really, starts better and we
have our first semi-decent-but-still-off-target shot as Punch manoeuvres into
position and hits a left footed volley just wide. We’ve obviously been told to shoot on sight as
Foxy, so far out he’s actually by the Cowherds, half way up The Avenue, lashes
one just over which was obviously a better option than trying to find any of
the six players who are in front of him.
Spurs are still dangerous though when it’s not with Defoe who manages to
become the first player in three years, including all the League 1 shite we
played against, to hit the screen high above the goal. Useless Skate.
Cortese then decides that we need to bring on the African we
signed for commercial reasons only and switch to the only formation we can
possibly play, 4-3-3 as Emmanuel Mayuka comes on for Punch on the hour
mark. The new man makes his mark
immediately by running past the very casual Vertonghen and crossing to J-Rod at
the back stick who really should do better than heading wide. Suddenly we’re in the game and Spurs are on
the back foot with Sandro trashing J-Rod to earn himself a booking and give us
a free kick. Foxy floats it in and Jose
beats Friedel to it and it loops up in the air.
It looks for all the world that Maya is going to nod it into an empty
net but somehow, Gallas manages to get something on it and the ball goes wide
and all Maya can do it welly the post in frustration.
On 66 we get back into it for real as Foxy’s skiddy corner
is expertly flicked goalwards by Jose, forcing Friedel into a decent block at
the near post but he ball popped up for J-Rod to bundle into the net. The look of surprise on his face will
hopefully not happen again now he’s off the mark.
I thought the goal would wake Spurs up and remind them that
they still had a game to win but we carried on in the ascendency and another
Mayuka created move ended with J-Rod flashing a left footed shot wide when once
again, he should probably have at least hit the target. Mayuka again was playing cretator after
cutting in from the right and sliding in Sir Rickie but his shot was blocked by
Gallas who was right on top of him and playing much better than his usual
standard of ‘average with quality sulking’.
Mayuka is proving to be a right pain in the arse for Spurs
and he bursts past Vertonghen again who can’t be arsed to put a tackle in so he
just grabs him and takes the booking.
We’re now playing some great stuff and carve the defence open with some
one touch passing but Lallana’s pull back only finds bloody Gallas yet again
who keeps getting in the way despite now playing on one leg.
The final throw of the dice is to bring on Ben Reeves for
Foxy and to remove the excellent DAAAAAAAVIS (explanation later) and bring on Guly who get some
ridiculous booing from the complete fucktards in the Upper Kingsland. Just piss off you wankers. I have a definite feeling that it’s just not
going to fall for us as Guly has a shot blocked and the rebound falls to Morgan
who absolutely hammers it goalbound but it hits Sandro on the head in almost
comedy fashion, wiped him out and bounces to safety.
93, 94, final whistle, bollocks, another defeat in a
proverbial game of two halves. We went
from being shockingly bad in the first half to looking like a decent side when
we went for it in the second. Was it
down to the introduction of a bit of pace from Zambia or was it down to
reverting to 4-3-3 which we’ve played all year.
Maybe it was down to Spurs switching off because the game was so easy in
the first half.
I feel that the introduction of Mayuka was massive as it
made Spurs have to defend against something other than balls up to the front
men. It opened up the whole game as it
pushed Spurs back and allowed our midfielders to get on the ball further up the
pitch and break forward. You need pace
in this league and you need to be direct when you break upfield, not stop and
check back onto your good foot all the time.
This is why players like Mayuka are so important and consequently, I
think more consideration should be given to Tadanari Lee and even Steve de
Ridder to show what they can do in this League.
It’s not to be all and end all but you need some pace in the side in the
Premier League. The pace with which
Spurs broke in the first half was frightening – mind you, two slugs and a
fucking snail would have look quick against us in the first half. The second half put some sort of feel good
factor on the proceedings which is just as well as the first half was so bad
that another 45 minutes of that would have seen the atmosphere resemble that of
a creditors meeting at Fratton Park.
We, like all clubs I guess, have some complete fucking
idiots as fans, some real thick morons.
If you’re reading this and you booed when Guly came on or if you were
giving Boruc some stick from behind his goal then I’m talking about you. Just fuck off and don’t bother coming to
games any more. You’re either a ‘Premier
League only’ supporter who hasn’t turned up for 7 years or you’re a ‘Winning
only’ supporter who was fine while we were smashing up League 1 and the Championship
but the moment it gets difficult, turns on the players. Pathetic tossers. There’s one such tosser behind me who always
used to bellow ‘DAAAAAAVIS’ as the top of his voice every time Kelvin wafted a
clearance out of play. Said tosser
obviously only has a few words in his vocabulary so he must be delighted that
Steve Davis is in the side as every time he passes a ball that’s not forward
then it’s ‘DAAAAAAVIS’. Thick wanker.
We’ll go out where we started with Gareth Bale. He went up in my estimation today for not
celebrating his goal too much and for giving a decent interview on Match of the
Day where he acknowledged to role SFC played in his development. Fair play to him. Aside from his goal, I don’t feel he had a
great game today aside from a couple of flashes but he dug in defensively in
the second half when required. Good luck
to the guy.
Next up for us, Colin Wanker and Leeds
on Tuesday in the 3rd Round of the COC. They’ll be up for it so lets hope our fringe
players are as well. I’m expecting a
line up something like… Davis, Butters, Arsene Shaw, Desperate Dan, Big Jos
Hooiveld Own Goal Machine, Chappers, JWP, Guly, Steeeeeve, Mayuka, Tadanari
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