Premier League Match 13 - Southampton 1 Everton 0

Koeman: I Was Not Aware of This Young Player

Claude: I Was, I Do My Job Properly

Picture the scene as Ronald Koeman arrives at St.Mary’s.

“Good morning Mr Koeman, hope you had a pleasant trip”
“The changing rooms are through here and …. Well you know where they are I guess”
“Nice to see you”

(Behind hand)… “C**t”

Yes it’s the return of Mr Honesty and Integrity to St.Mary’s as Everton rock up, an Everton side who started the season very well on account of having some very favourable home fixtures but now have hit a bit of a wall and what a shame that is.  They came into some money in the summer from some bloke who used to be associated with Arsenal and Everton basically lost themselves and forgot their principles and tradition.  They prided themselves in being The Peoples Club but within five minutes of the money turning up, they’d turned into Liverpool.  It was all about how much money they could spend but as anyone with even a semblance of brain knows, chucking money around in random fashion isn’t always the best way.  The first money they chucked was of course at Ronald to the estimated tune of £7 million a year which made him abandon the principles he had and had repeatedly stated when at Saints. “I honour my contracts”.. “I would hate to be a manager who was all about money” and various quotes like that.  OK, leave for a ridiculous amount of money – I get that completely, even though he probably had already earned more money than most of us could dream of.  It clearly didn’t sit too well with him though because then the excuses and blaming Saints started.  Whatever, admit you left for the money or just shut up.  Trust in meeeee, trust in meeee!

Everton’s defence has been creaky since Moyes left and whilst it’s no wonder that Martinez made it worse, it was a bit of a surprise that Koeman replaced John Stones, their best young quickest defender with the old, slow and cumbersome Ashley Williams who usually forms a slow lumpy defensive partnership with Phil Jagielka.  At full back, Coleman is still an excellent player and then you have Baines who has never ever been able to defend.  The paceless defence is covered by Gareth Barry who is the only player on FIFA ’17 to have a minus figure in the ‘Pace’ category.  In goal is Maarten Stekelenburg who probably wasn’t what Everton fans had in mind then they started crowing about all their cash and taking players from Saints.  But for Jeremy Pied’s unfortunate injury, they would have got Cuco Martina as well.  Get well soon Jeremy.  They did spunk £30 million on an erratic winger in Yannick Bolasie as they needed an erratic winger to complement their other erratic wingers Lennon, Mirallas and Deulofeu.  Lukaku is of course a threat up front and Barkley should be pulling the strings in midfield.

After the shocking shower of shit that was Sparta away, Claude proved that he wasn’t impressed in the slightest and sprang a major surprise with Josh Sims starting on the wing ahead of both Long and J-Rod.  He couldn’t have picked a better day to throw him in given that another famous quote from the Snakey Bastard when he was here was that “none of the youngsters were good enough and putting them in the team would be like putting ketchup on your chips” – I’m paraphrasing there.  Redmond can feel somewhat lucky to have got a starting place which I guess is down to injuries to both Tadic and Boufal.  The midfield sees JWP get a rare league start alongside Pierre and Oriol.  The best back 4 and keeper in the country were all present and correct.

So, we’re at home, the Lying Dutchman is in town and the players owe us a performance.  Let’s go…. But before we go, the new PA system is being volume tested.  In the family section there were small kids holding their ears.  I have less issue with that and more with the shite music they were playing.  Said music went on far too long and the players had their pre-match huddle to deafening 80s Disco Shite.  The three of us had to do our score predictions using our fingers as we couldn’t shout loud enough to make ourselves heard.  Maybe it was a deliberate ploy to stop too much abuse getting through to the Slippery Slithering Snake.

Everton kick off and immediately Bertrand is in and winning the ball off of Lennon.  Down the left to Redmond and we work it back across to the right where Baines fails to clear, Cedric retrieves and there’s some great one touch interplay between Sims and Hojbjerg before Sims shot is blocked out to Cedric.  He crosses and the ball drops to Sims who hooks it across and Austin has a free header from about an inch out and even with our record in front of goal, he isn’t going to miss that.  1-0 and get in and have that you Slithery Tosser.

We look seriously fired up and are soon creating another chance as we give the defence the run around and Redmond finds space to cross and picks out Sims who should score but the header kind of slides off his head and Stekelenburg saves easily enough.  More ponderous defending from the Blue Billionaires and Sims and JWP work a chance for Hojbjerg which he drives a yard over from the edge of the box.  Look at what you left behind Snake Boy as Virgil picks it up in defence and strolls past Lukaku who can’t be arsed, beats Barry who can’t run before it goes to Hojbjerg and then onto Austin whose shot is rather tame and straight at the keeper.

Everton are actually here as an attacking threat and from their first attack Barry slides a pass in, it’s dummied by Lennon and Coleman is in behind Bertrand.  He produces the perfect pull back to the penalty spot and Gueye, another big money buy, is on hand to launch it miles over the bar.  Utter shit but Everton are improving and another cross from the right is met by Barkley but he gets the header all wrong and miles wide.  I want to like Ross Barkley but he is completely brainless.  How many times is he going to turn and run into Romeu and lose the ball before realising that he isn’t getting past him.

We’re still playing well with good combinations all over with Redmond putting Sims away, onto Cedric and his cross is just too high for Hojbjerg who heads wide.  The key thing here is that unlike the sideways and backwards of the past couple of weeks, a midfielder has made a great run into the box and got ahead of the striker, thus making the defenders actually think.

Half time and happy days so far.  The difference in our performance from the Sparta match is huge and Sims has made a huge difference with his desire to always go forward and his enthusiasm.  Sometimes it needs an Academy player rather than a £30 million signing doesn’t it?

We start the second half well and have a chance as everyone misses a JWP corner and Hojbjerg picks it up beyond the far post.  He easily beats a half arsed challenge before deciding that smashing it is a better option than trying to find any one of the 8 players in the penalty area and hits the outside of the post and behind for a goal kick.  Koeman’s half time chat was obviously completely lost on Lukaku, Bolasie and Barkley who are either completely not arsed or just shite.

It’s just a case of whether we can get a second to put it to bed.  A Hojbjerg cross towards Austin is half cleared to Sims whose half volley is comfortably saved.  Whilst it’s still 1-0 there’s always a chance it can go wrong and Evrton win a free kick on the right hand edge of the box when Gueye is dumped by the Rock of Romeu.  As previously said, Lukaku has been shite but he doesn’t have to move to take a free kick and up he steps before launching it miles over the bar.  Fellow lazy bastard Bolasie then runs at the Saints defence before hitting a shot closer to the corner flag than the goal.

Back up the other end and Cedric turns Baines inside out whilst Baines demonstrates his idea of defending which is to not close down but just wave his legs about in an attempt to block the cross.  He doesn’t block the left footed cross which clears Jagielka and Austin thumps a header towards the bottom corner but bloody Stekelenburg pulls off a brilliant save low down by the post.  Charlie really cannot believe it and nor can those who slagged off Stekelenburg all of last season.

Austin pokes another good chance over the bar as a Bertrand corner evades everyone and lands at his feet and then Sims has the crowd on its feet by getting back to rob Baines on the edge of our box and then taking off, making Ashley Williams look a complete mug on the half way line by knocking it one side and running the other as the Welshman looked worth every penny of the £12 million Everton spent on him.  Unfortunately, the clearly knackered Sims made a balls of the pass and they cleared it.

Koeman throws on the two wingers who he clearly doesn’t fancy in Mirallas and Deulofeu but it makes no difference to the general pattern of play with Sims again running at Jagielka and getting over a dangerous cross which Everton clear more by luck than judgment.  It’s ok though because it goes to Lukaku who inexplicably, considering he’s built like a heavyweight boxer, gets muscled off the ball and JWP drives forward and shoots, Stek spills and Austin squares it back to JWP who somehow manages to slide it wide from 6 yards with an open goal.  Why can’t we ever put games to bed FFS!!!

We’re still trying though and another superb Cedric cross clears Jagielka and JWP brings it down on his chest before smashing it but there’s the bloody goalkeeper to throw up an arm to block it and Jagielka gets back to clear it off the line.  Why can’t we ever put games to bed FFS!

Claude rolls the dice in the last 10 minutes with Clasie, McQueen and Long coming on for Redmond, Sims and Austin.  Needless to say that these were three separate substitutions and the standing ovation for Sims as he went off was one of those great moments, especially in view of the Snake’s comments on young players.  He’s one of our own.  Yep.  Full time.

Ha ha ha. Well, fuck you Ronald and do you want ketchup or fucking mayonnaise with that? A beautiful result at the end of a very good performance. The only minor gripe is that we didn't give them the hiding that they deserved. Ironically, the only reason we didn't was because of the performance of our ex-goalkeeper.  How ironic that for all the talk of the Everton project and the amount of money that they had to spend, their best player was a goalkeeper that Ronald decided wasn't good enough to be Southampton's first choice.  Football can still be the beautiful game sometimes.

The post match interviews were absolutely priceless and full marks to Conor McNamara of the BBC who asked the question about Josh Sims with obvious references to Ronald's comment about our Academy. True to form, the arrogant arse didn't want to be asked about Josh Sims and he admitted that he was not aware of him which is fucking hilarious considering he was an England age group International and made loads of appearances for Saints under 21 side last year, when the Lying Dutchman was the manager. If ever you wanted a reason to believe the widely held rumour that the Saints hierarchy weren’t too sorry to see him go, then that was it.

There was only one winner on the managerial front today and he wasn't Dutch. Claude had the guts to select a 19-year-old for his debut ahead of two experienced players and boy did it pay off. Sims was absolutely superb from the first whistle until the standing ovation he got when he got substituted. Always on the half turn and always looking to go forward which is something we've badly lacked in the past few weeks. He showed the way for others to follow with Hojbjerg and Ward-Prowse playing with a lot more attacking intent that they have of late.  Austin got his goal and led the line well and was unlucky not to have a second goal with the save that Stekenlenburg made from his header.  Redmond gave the ball away a few times but his performance was again a marked improvement on the last couple of weeks. The back six were absolutely magnificent with Cedric in particular being a massive improvement on the clown of Martina. His defensive work and his crosses are improving all the time as is Bertrand as he gets up to full speed after a couple of injuries. Aaron Lennon hardly touched the ball for Everton and this was because he spent the whole game trying to defend against Bertrand's runs forward.

Virgil had one of those games that gets every media pundit in the country trying to sell him to one of the big boys, or Everton, comically. He is the best defender on the pitch and when he steps into midfield he is the best midfielder in the pitch as well. If he does move on, which inevitably he will at some point, I really hope it's to one of the big three European clubs in Barcelona, Real Madrid or Bayern Munich as he is that good. He doesn't do it on his own though as Jose Fonte was once again showing European championship winning form next to him and the two of them combined to make Lukaku look absolutely shit. In front of them was of the Rock of Romeu who made Ross Barkley look like a kid playing in a man's game.

You can't mention how good we were without commenting on how shit Ronald’s Everton were. The defence were as slow and pedestrian as we all knew that they would be and the fullbacks, especially Baines, couldn't get forward at all because the wingers in front of them weren't doing any defending. Bolasie, all 30 million of him, like Lukaku, is another one who will only apply himself when he fancies it. Gareth Barry is another one that I just don't get. A bit like Michael Carrick at United where everyone says he's brilliant and is this and is that.  The fact of the matter is that he is 36 and he can't run any more, not that he ever could so in a fast paced game where the opposition midfield get about him, he is not going to be effective. Is it amazes me with all that money to spend, they've got a team with very little pace in it and they didn't even spend the money they got for John Stones, let alone the warchest that they allegedly have. I loved Ronald Koeman when he was with us but I can't help but hope it all goes disastrously fucking wrong there is and he's about as likely to get the Barcelona job he so covets as I am. I guess there's always football manager games Ronald.

The final comment has to be about young players.  Of our young players that the Asshat said weren’t good enough last season: Reed, Hesketh, McQueen, Olomola, Stephens and Sims have all played at some point this year and Saints are a grand total of two points behind Everton in the league and still in Europe and still in the League Cup, which Everton are out of. A quick read of their fans forum reveals that they have quite a few good prospects as well who many fans think would make the first team better. Don't hold your breath on that any of them are getting given again any game time soon. Perhaps Saints should have a look at some of these Everton academy players and see if they fancy joining a club where they might actually get a chance.

Ronald must be feeling lower than a snakes belly after that.  Good.  Off you fuck.

Meanwhile, we’re off to Arsenal for the League Cup Quarter Final on Wednesday.

Europa League Match 5 - Sparta Prague 1 Southampton 0

Sideways, Backwards, Sideways, Backwards

A trip to Prague to play Sparta who evidently are much improved from when we played them the first time round when they were pretty dreadful. It looks like they've appointed the youth team coach as manager and he's had a positive effect. Since they played us, they've won every game in the group which includes both of their home games so far. There is some stat that says Sparta haven't beaten an English club since 1982. Here we go then.

I strongly suspect that this game would be taken lightly by the management and that we were not going to put our best team out because even if we lose tonight, we have another chance in the final home game and so it proved with Cedric and Bertrand making way for Martina and McQueen, Maya instead of Jose in defence and even Romeu was rested with Hojbjerg playing defensive midfield. The weakest of our wide midfielders in JWP and Clasie were in the starting line up and the forwards looked full of running but not much else with Long, J-Rod and Redmond picked. I kind of understand the weakened side but at the same time I kind of don't.  I would say the better policy is to get it done tonight and rest players for the home game against Be’er Sheva.

Off the pitch since the Liverpool game, fans have had to deal with at the Alex Crook bullshit machine saying that Liverpool are going to sign both Virgil and Sam McQueen from us with Daniel Sturridge coming in the other direction. Hold it right there for fuck's sake. Now, even though I spent the whole of the last blog slagging off Daniel Sturridge, He would be an absolutely dream signing for Saints which is exactly why it will not happen because he's probably on at least twice as much as our highest paid player. Virgil to Liverpool in January really isn't happening either and any time there's a swap deal mentioned, it never happens.   If you forget money for a second, maybe it’s possible that Sturridge wouldn't say no to a move down here if he looked at how our other big club rejects like Bertrand, Romeu and Hojbjerg have improved in the time down here. I do however strongly suspect though that he is Billy Big Bollocks so wouldn't even contemplate moving to a team that's not a big club.

Anyway, regarding the outgoing rumours, if only in the club could block Alex Crook from writing about them in the same way that he blocks most of us from following him on Twitter.  It’s not just what he writes but it’s the fact that he writes it and a million fan pages and Twitter accounts flood the market with it.

Away we go and almost immediately, McQueen threads a ball down the line to Long who bundles past the full back and squares it to Clasie who could shoot but presents an easy chance to J-Rod who takes the shittiest of shithouse first touches and instead of tapping in, tries to dribble round a defender and loses it.  JUST FUCKING HIT IT MAN FOR FUCKS’

SAKE!!!

Sparta’s first attack ends with Virgil waving a lazy leg at it and whacking it straight up in the air.  Down it comes, hed tennis carnage and then Pierre tries to sort it out by heading it back to Fraser and it just gets there as Lafata swings a boot at it.  Virgil has another dodgy moment a few minutes later when he doesn’t seem to be concentrating and takes out Julis in the air to give Sparta a free kick about 30 yards out.  Dockal chips it in and Costa has ambled into the box with the freedom of fucking Prague and volleys it past Fraser at the near post.  Martina and Clasie have just watched him go.  Oh fucking terrific.

Straight away we respond with a great ball from Redmond which puts McQueen in and he hits it first time but straight at the keeper who blocks well.  We create a coupld of chances as the half goes on but nothing much.  Long gets his head on a JWP frr kick and the keeper easily pushes it wide and then Redmond puts McQueen away again and he squares for J-Rod whose shot is blocked before rebounding to McQueen’s right foot and he shanks it wide with the swinger.  Half time and it’s already shaping up to be one of those games.  Basically, we are not going to score all the time Austin is not on the pitch so we may as well hook J-Rod and get him on now but no, we start the second half with the same side, playing the same sideways and backwards way.  Claude appears to have told them to shoot more and so Maya does, from 45 yards and what a surprise, it was shit.

Hojbjerg goes down with what looks like a dead leg and on comes Romeu in his place, with Boufal coming on to put Rusty Rodriguez out of his misery.  It makes no difference though and Sparta enjoy a bit of possession and work a neat 1-2 on our left and the shot is straight at Fraser but he decides to palm it straight back out into the middle to make sure that the defenders are on their toes.  They win a free kcik when Costa gets challenged by Boufal and just stands still and then does a forward roll and rolls around until the ref gives a free kick.  It’s bizarre and so is our defending as it’s chappied in, no one goes with Lafata and he just misses it… oh hang on it’s going in but Fraser sticks out a hand to paw it away.  More pressure and this time Clasie gives it away and Dockal gets in alow shot which Fraser does well to get down to.

Sparts have had their ten minutes so now it’s business as usual, sideways and backwards, sideways and backwards, 11 behind the ball, no forward runs.  Garbage.  I gave up 10 minutes ago on us scoring and every opportunity that we fuck up is just a shrug of the shoulders from me.  Boufal chips in a good ball to JWP who has made a decent run but he misses the ball.  Shrug!

Austin is on for Clasie but we are shit with overhit passes from Redmond and diabolical crossing from Martina.  Straight to the keeper, straight behind the goal, wank.  Long comes short and picks up a ball, turns in midfield and runs with purpose to the edge of the box and wildly slashes miles wide. Shrug!  Long again as JWP put him in on the right, crosses instead of shooting and cleared for a corner.  Shrug!  Corner comes over and Virgil smacks a free header over from 6 yards.  Shrug! Shrug! Fucking Shrug!

The final ten minutes which should be like the bastard Alamo is ten minutes of nothing.  We do nothing except sideways and backwards.  It’s fucking painful.  The last chance isn’t really a chance because Maya is offside as JWP’s free kick comes in but it hits his face and bounces down to the keeper anyway.  Shrug!, Bollocks! Shit!

Well that was fucking dreadful from the moment that J-Rod decided to fuck about in the first few minutes until the end of the 94th minute. We were absolutely fucking shit – nat as bad as Midtjylland but not far off. I've completely given up on the fanciful idea of scoring or even working the goalkeeper from about 55 minutes onwards. We were so clueless in the way we were playing and so many individual players were having shocking games. Like I said at the start I understand Claude picking a weaker side for this game and in his defence, that side should have been strong enough to beat this Sparta side who let's face it, are pretty fucking average at best. He chose a side of that he thought would do the job and they completely and utterly didn't. 

Where do you fucking start with individual players. I know, I'll start with the worst of the lot, Cuco Martina. We would have been better off taking him off when we had already used all three subs and played with 10. If he wasn't on the pitch then we wouldn't have been giving him the ball and expecting him to do what a full back is supposed to do and actually cross the fucking ball into an area somewhere near our strikers in the middle. If we do substitute him without putting anybody on we possibly would have been given an extra 30 seconds of extra time at the end to try and get a goal.  As we all know though, that would've been just another 30 seconds of complete fucking shit. Martina was the worst closely followed by J-Rod. Rusty Rodriguez as he's known now was absolutely diabolical again like he has been in every single game he's played this season. There comes a point when the excuse of being rusty just doesn't cut it anymore. This is top level sport and you can't carry people.  We need him to contribute as he is one of the main strikers in the squad and at the moment he just isn't contributing at all. That miss or rather, that lack of shot in the first couple of minutes is as bad as it gets. He shoots he scores we are 1-0 up. Instead, five minutes later we are 1-0 down. Game changer.

Then we have Shane Long who at the moment is just running about. All season he's just run about with absolutely no quality in his play whatsoever. I understand that he had a bit of a go at some fans who are booing at the end of the game. That's really fucking dodgy ground to be on when you are a striker who hasn't scored for 8 months including all of this fucking season and it's nearly December.  Redmond...? Stationed wide left and pretty average though did link up with McQueen quite well. He's never a goal scorer though. Never.

Apparently we are going to start seeing the best of Boufal according to Claude. Well we fucking didn't see it tonight as he barely touched the ball when he came on and added absolutely no spark to a team that was completely and actually flat anyway.  Maybe I'm being a bit harsh on him as trying to put life into that performance was like trying to jump start a car with no fucking engine or battery in it.  Dusan Tadic is becoming a better and better player with each game he misses. 

Now the midfield and JWP had a completely anonymous game contributing the square root of fuck all. Another game where he had the chance to step up and completely failed to do so. Clasie was okay for the first 30 minutes and then he did what he always does and fade completely out of the game before we have to take him off.  Maya was a fucking nightmare waiting to happen at the back and his shot from 45 yards was awesome and Virgil had quite possibly the worst game I've ever seen him have the Saints shirt. He really looked like he didn't want to be out there and played in a really half arsed lethargic way.

The players that leaves who had relatively decent performances (and a couple of these are 'at a stretch') are Hojbjerg, Romeu (who was sorely missed from the start), Forster who was looking unconvincing but at least made a couple of saves and Sam McQueen who was easily our man of the match.

With Hapoel beating Inter 3-2, we are now dead level with the Israeli's going into the last game against them at St Mary's. This game is the most important game that Claude will have as Saints manager. If we fail to get out of this group then the crowd will turn. Some are turning already but in my opinion if we fail to get out of what is a really easy group with Inter being crap, then people will have the right to ask serious questions of the manager.  Part of the reason he was brought in was because of his experience of European competition. Three away trips and no fucking goals?  Sideways and bastard backwards and no forward runs from midfielders and strikers playing miles apart.  Tactically – something is severely wrong at the moment.

So, I get that we have to rotate players and the weaker players only seem to play in the European games and the League Cup games. When do performances become so bad that players get left out of the rotation? I would personally rather see Harrison Reed playing ahead of Jordy Clasie. I would also prefer to see Sam Gallagher playing ahead of J-Rod and to be honest I think I'd even rather see the incredibly raw Olomola. There has got to be an alternative to playing Martina at right back. Why not play Yoshida there and play Jack Stephens alongside Virgil?  Promote the England U21 player instead of playing the journeyman donkey.  It was kind of okay when Martina was a novelty player who played occasionally but this season he is playing far too much and he just isn't good enough to string three decent games together. At the moment is not good enough to string 10 minutes together.  If the fullbacks don't deliver any quality from the wings then we severely struggle.  Claude knows this as it’s his system so why is he picking a player who just isn’t capable of playing this way.

Lots of interviews afterwards with the manager and players saying I'm ever so sorry, we let the fans down. Yes you fucking did. It's not just tonight though, we have let a painfully average team win the group so even if we managed to scrape our arses through in a couple of weeks, we are heading for a last 32 tie against a team who has dropped out of the Champions League and the way we are playing at the moment, that will definitely be the end of that.

Next up and back to the league and we have the visit of the Lying Dutchman and his Everton side. They have Stekelenburg in goal and we all know he has a weakness with shots at the goal. Right now I'm wondering if we will actually fucking have any.

Premier League Match 12 - Southampton 0 Liverpool 0

Virgil Plays On as Firmino's Legs Fall Off

What’s been going on.  Oh yeah, loads….

England.  The Under 21’s were of course in action at St.Mary’s against Italy so I went along.  When the teams were warming up I realised a couple of significant things.  One was that the two men who are managers of the two main England sides are Gareth Southgate and Aidy Boothroyd.  Let that sink in for a moment.  Gareth ‘yes sir’ Southgate and Aidy Hoofroyd.  The other thing was that Calum Chambers was actually playing football after two and a bit years of almost exclusively not doing so after his defection to Arsenal before he was out of nappies.

To the game and there were three Saints players in the line up in Jack Stephens, JWP and Nathan Redmond and an early lead as Leicester’s Demerai Gray knocked in a rebound.  1-1 as the Italian right back made 80 yards without a challenge on our left.  When left back Galloway went to block, it looped over the keeper and in.  2-1 down soon followed as a corner was flicked on to an unmarked forward.  The second half was better for England and we hit the woodwork a couple of times through Gray and Baker (one of those Chelsea players who are always out on loan) before Baker squeezed a shot past a very chocolate wristed keeper.  93 minutes and a corner from JWP, a header from Chambers and knocked in by Jack Stephens which was a nice end to a pleasant evening out.

It’s remarkable how a goal can change perceptions.  Stephens was the hero when in truth, he’d had a poor game as part of a defence that was pretty atrocious.  People always get blinded by goals.  Man of the Match awards and Garth Crooks’ Team of the Week are all exclusively the domain of goalscorers.  Demerai Gray was Man of the Match and he was one of our better players but his tap-in goal won it for him.  Our best player by several miles was Nathaniel Chalobah of Chelsea (Reserves) – season long loan to Saints with an option to buy for £3 million would do him some good.

To be honest, all of the Saints boys were pretty average.  Redmond had a couple of moments but was on the periphery for most of the game.  JWP hit the first man a few times with his set piece delivery but got it right when it mattered.  He was lively in midfield but did give the ball away a few too many times.  Stephens was playing on the left of Chambers at centre back and looked uncomfortable having to use his left foot.  He didn’t make any horrific mistakes and I think part of the problem was his centre back partner.  Talking of whom…

Calum Chambers was awful throughout, absolutely awful.  Indecisive, slow, poor touch, powder puff in the tackle and in the air.  Terrible.  He’s not stood still for the past 2 years but gone backwards alarmingly.  It’s a cautionary tale that not many will heed.  The big clubs will not develop you as a player – they are only interested in the here and now so unless you are brilliant and Big Club first team level then you really are better off staying at a medium sized club who gives a rats about all their players and there you can become the best player you can be.  Earn the move on footballing ability, not because of the big clubs and their player harvesting.

Anyway, 5 goals and an entertaining game – now for the first team against Scotland.  Southgate has made Rooney captain again which brings me deep joy.  Scotland have a team of Championship players and are the very definition of average but they play better football than us as we’re content to turn the game into a scuffle and John Stones is trying to play like Beckenbauer at the back.  There are a couple of problems with this.  One is that he is not Beckenbauer and the other is that the rest of the defence certainly aren’t so if he beats two players and gives one of them the ball, someone like Cahill will invariably Row Z it or give it away.  Out of nowhere and against the run of play, the ball deflects out to Walker on the right and his cross if expertly diverted home by Sturridge who does the wanker dance.  It’s his first touch and the celebration was the first time he moved.  He only found space because a Jock defender got felled by the original shot.  The Jocks pass up a couple of decent chances with a shite final ball and the second half starts with more of the same with Scotland being the better side.  They miss a sitter from the edge of the box and then Stones actually pulls out a decent block to deny Snodgrarse and up the field we go, Rose crosses, Lallana scores with a header.  On the hour, Rooney takes a corner and Cahill gets up and heads in easily and that’s it.  There is half an hour to go but we’re done.  We could go on and absolutely bury them by 5 or 6 but we just pass it about.  Very unconvincing aside from the finishing.

The main thing that this game said to me was that Rooney is finished, done, past it.  He’s so far past it, it’s not funny.  In the form he’s in now he’d struggle to have an impact in the Chinese Super League or wherever he’s going to end up.  Like in the Malta game a few weeks back, Sturridge scored but he did fuck all else including running against a bang average side.

When I saw the team for the Spain friendly I thought it might be better because the two static players weren’t playing and sure enough it was as England played good football throughout, initially inspired by Lallana whose penalty put us 1-0 up.  Just after half time, Henderson of all people curled a superb cross onto Vardy’s head and Steptoe buried it past Reina for 2-0.  All was still going well until the excellent Danny Rose was taken off and Cresswell from West Ham was given a debut.  Cue two goals down our left hand side with the last one apologetically bobbling between Heaton’s legs.  To me, the result was unimportant but what it did show was how good a side England can potentially be if we play with pace on the break and everyone works hard.  So – no more Sturridge and Rooney for me.  The last time England played well was in the Germany friendly which we won 3-2 and neither of the statics were playing in that game either.

Southgate still hasn’t been given the job but he will be.  There will be a token scout around for other candidates but he’ll be given it.  The media have decided that he should be given it and there’s not one ex-player voicing a contrary opinion.  Not for me but I struggle to see who else is out there and available unless you go down the recently retired ex-pro route and appoint Shearer which would be an almighty punt in the dark.

Anyhow, club before country…

We seem to have had some success over Liverpool in the recent past but right now they are developing into a fucking scary outfit as Jurgen Klopp's ideas get through to the players and he begins to fully unpick the shambles left by Brendan Rodgers…. and they are currently top of the league and speak to any Red Scouser and "it's our fucking year".  The buying from Southampton policy has not altered without Rodgers and Sadio Mane has started well for them this year much to my annoyance as he is exactly the sort of player we could do with now to make our attack look better than tepid. I was hoping of course that he'd have an indifferent to start at Anfield, so that the entitled morons in their fan base and the Liverpool dominated media would quickly turn on him but of course he's started like a fucking house on fire so he's the best player ever. The one hope is that he does what he did in his two seasons with us and basically have December to March off. This year he will definitely be off for a bit of it as Senegal will be playing in the African Cup of Nations.  I hope they win it and he's out of the country for ages.

Of the other ex-Saints, even Lovren is playing quite well now due in part to the signing of Matip to take the other centre back position. Matip is an interesting player in that he's fucking enormous. Clyne has been doing as well as you'd expect and Billy Big Bollocks Lallana is possibly playing the best football of his career... what a shame he picked up an injury in the pointless England friendly. Elsewhere, they've got Coutinho who invariably smashes one of the top corner from 30 yards against us and attacking threat will also be provided by Roberto Firmino who I'm not 100% convinced about as yet.  Oh, and James Milner is at left back which is something I never would've seen coming but that's got to be a weak link hasn't it?

Claude names a very strong looking 11 for this game with Hojbjerg is preferred to Clasie but the big news is that the first choice back four are all present and correct with the Cedric returning from injury and Cuco the Clown returning to the bench. On the bench next to him is Shane Long, making a return from the hamstring injury he picked up in the San Siro. Hopefully when he gets on he'll be at full throttle because Liverpool play a very high line and for all his qualities as a footballer and a human being, Lovren is not the quickest and he is a massive fucking twat.

Away we go and the first time Lovren gets the ball there is loud booing and chant starts about the gardener who was putting the love into Mrs Lovren. Not big, not clever, not funny, much... oh that’s not funny either, Twattenburg is refereeing. Liverpool are pressing like madmen and we are trying to play the ball around but it’s seat of the pants stuff.  Cedric gets away on the right and sees his cross blocked before taking a pot shot with his left foot and lashing it well wide.

It quickly settles into a pattern of Liverpool being the dominant side and us just living off scraps and defending the crap out of it.  However, we creak as Clyne gets in a low cross from our left and via Mijnaldum the ball finds Mané and his sidefooter is heading for the top corner before Fraser takes off and somehow tips it over.  World class save.

In the main we are defending pretty well and we’ve obviously learned the Coutinho lesson.  Every time he picks it up within 40 yards he’s got players flying at him and he drags an effort along the ground and wide.  We haven’t noticed Twattenburg for 25 minutes so of course, that has to change and a rare attack by us on the right is halted deliberately by Milner trashing through the back of Redmond.  It’s cynical and late and nowhere near the ball and through the back of him but it’s not a yellow card according to Twatt.  The terrible refereeing has riled the players so for the next few minutes the gloves are off and tackles are flying in everywhere.  The Twatt is at it again as Davis breaks forward n the left and Henderson just hauls him back – play on.  Twattenburg then dramatically turns and wags his finger at Hojbjerg, assumedly because Pierre had said something Anglo-Saxon at him.  Twattenburg is happy now – he’s the main man in the game now and that’s just what you want from a referee.

Oh crap, a 1-2 on the edge of the box and Wijnaldum puts Mané through and he’s away.  He’s gonna score isn’t he and no one’s gonna catch him… along comes Virgil and blocks the shot away for a corner.  Brilliant defending.  We have a rare foray into their half as Austin superbly controls a ball forward but he has no support and is eventually crowded out.  Getting crowded out in their half counts as an attacking highlight today.

There is quite possibly the worst half time entertainment ever as two blokes bundle through some oversized footballs and score a goal.  Who cares?  Makes the guys holding the footballs rugby players and allow them to smash the contestants.  At least make it interesting.  Kenzie called it entertainment.  It wasn’t, it was shite.

The second half starts in much the same manner as the majority of the first with a ball being flipped over the top to Firmino who is behind Virgil.  Virgil clearly grabs a handful of shirt and Firmino decides to collapse, meaning that he gets given nothing because it looks like he’s dived.  Yes it was a foul but outside the box anyway. Phew.

The pressing from the Liverpool team makes us our own worst enemies at time as we try and play through it and Hojbjerg shanks a pass straight to Firmino who puts Coutinho in on the left but Fonte steams across and gets close enough for Coutinho to shat himself and lash it well wide.  Austin then narrowly avoids an own goal as a free kick is crossed in and Charlie’s the only one who goes for it.

My Christ we had a chance as Redmond picks up loose ball, plays Cedric away on the right and he fires over brilliant first time cross first time and Austin gets above the much smaller Clyne and meets it well but well wide.  Poor effort in truth and should have done better considering who he was up against.  We don’t have a monopoly on poor efforts though as Coutinho threads Firmino in and he basically has an open goal but decides to hit it with the outside of his boot and casually rolls it past the post.

In quick succession, Long is on for Boufal who hasn’t done much and J-Rod is on for Austin with Sturridge coming on for them, if he can be bothered.  His first contribution is to turn Redmond inside out on the left wing and stand up a superb cross for Clyne to steam in and meet and plant his free header wide of the far post.  Another huge let off.

Into the last 10 and Firmino has a dig from distance which takes a deflection and Fraser pushes it away well before we actually got up their end of the pitch and Bertrand’s cross is nowhere near a Saints player but Milner clearly handles it as it goes across his body.  The lino is looking right at it, nothing.. and none of our players are anywhere near it so no one appeals aside from those in the Chapel who all saw it.

As the game runs down we have no intention to play for anything more than a point and Liverpool seem to rely on hope more than expectation.  Twattenburg has had a quiet few minutes and so he pings Bertrand for making a few yards on a throw in.  There’s no way Twatt would have given it if Klopp wasn’t right there making various angry faces.  We survive the combined might of Liverpool and Twattenburg and full time.

Bloody hell that was a tough game.  You can certainly see what Klopp has brought to Liverpool as the soft mentality they’ve had for the last couple of years has certainly gone.  They will see it as a bad result whereas we can see it as a bit of a relief as we got virtually nothing going in the final third, defended superbly but did rely on some horrific finishing by Liverpool to get a point.

It was a strange game for us with some players having exceptionally good games whilst some were dreadful.  On the positive side, Fraser was back to his best with the pick of the bunch being the stunning save from Mané in the first half.  It was brilliant to have Cedric back and he certainly added to the defensive solidity that just isn’t there was Cuco the Clown is playing.  Virgil and José were magnificent as usual and Ryan Bertrand was quietly effective defensively but struggled to get forward at all.  Part of that was down to the horrific performance of Steve Davis in front of him. The game just looked to be to fast for him and he always seemed to be arriving just as the ball had been moved on.  Romeu proved again that he is one of the best defensive midfielders in the league and it was good to see Hojbjerg back in the Premier League side. 

Though lack of possession was an issue, the three up front were a problem.  Austin worked hard again but we needed him to bury his one chance and he really should have done better with a header against Clyne which went well wide.  Boufal didn’t really get into the game and Redmond had one of ‘those’ games.  By that I mean that he was bollocks.  There seems to be no inbetween with Nathan.  I’ve seen three games from him this season where he looked like a player who has no ability whatsoever – Arsenal away, Liverpool home and the England Under 21 game at St.Mary’s – and he’s had games where he’s looked like a great player.

Claude declared himself happy with a point and I think he’s right but we have to be doing a bit more than that going forward at home.  It’s a shame that Shane Long wasn’t fit enough to play a bigger part as I feel that his pace would have ensured that the relatively pedestrian Matip, Lovren and Milner wouldn’t have had such as easy afternoon.  Maybe it was a tactic specifically for today but with Austin up top and Boufal and Redmond playing very wide, we had precious little going on with Charlie having virtually no support and no pace to give the Liverpool defenders any issues.

It was the finishing and lack of it that means that Liverpool are only the second best team we’ve played this year behind Chelsea.  None of their regular front four (Coutinho, Firmino, Lallana, Mané) are prolific natural goalscorers so maybe this will be their problem this season.  Their one natural goalscorer is a lazy bastard which is why Klopp won’t play him.  The giant Matip looked like a good signing for them but the back 4 is the main issue which will mean the wait for winning the league will go on.  You aint gonna win the league with Milner at left back and the keeper has looked a bit dodgy – not today as we didn’t do anything.  I still dislike the arrogance around Liverpool and their fans in general are deluded fuckwits with a massive sense of entitlement.  Some of the dislike has gone with the departure of Rodgers and I’m warming to Klopp now he seems to have toned down his pitch side antics.  As for our ex’s – well Dejan was a Twat as usual but he had a solid match, Mané flitted in and out without damaging us and Clyne missed a sitter.  Out of the three (four if you include Adam the Twat) I guess it’s only Mané who we haven’t really replaced as yet, unless Redmond or Boufal are really going to step up.

Match of the Day was shit again in the way it was edited.  No mention of the Milner handball incident or Twattenburg’s shit refereeing but they shat on all day about Liverpool’s penalty shout.  Apparently their players were tired because they were all away playing internationals.  Well so were ours you fuckwits and we’re playing in Europe as well this year whereas they are not.

Oh yes, Europa. Next up is the Europa League and Sparta Prague away – win that and we’re through to the knockout stages and a win has got to be the aim against a team we beat easily at home.  I can see Yoshida, McQueen and bloody Martina coming into the defence, Clasie into midfield and probably Shane and Jay into the attack but no matter, we should still have enough to make Thursday a good day.

Premier League Match 11 - Hull City 2 Southampton 1

Shall we Just Beat them or still give them a chance and make it Exciting?

A trip to Hull followed the glorious win against Inter and a good chance to go into the International break with a win.  A refreshed José, Ryan, Clasie, Davo & Charlie would be returning to the team so there’s no reason to assume that anyone would be too tired and we should have enough ability to take care of Hull who are making an early run for the bottom of the league.

Having only had about 4 players signed on at one point of the summer, they scraped together a squad and actually started with a couple of wins under caretaker boss Mike Phelan.  He then got the job permanently and they were so inspired by the appointment of Moon Face that they lost 6 games in a row.  We have to make it 7 and anything less will be disappointing.  Their ground is now called the KCom Stadium.  I have no idea what KCom is and have no desire to look it up.  Moon Face can call on David Marshall who is a decent goalkeeper and the Curtis Davies / Michael Dawson combination at centre back which is pretty solid.  They also have the perennially overrated Tom Huddlestone who has such quick feet that look like they’ve been set in concrete.

Saints make the predictable changes but I dunno… international break next week and surely Hojbjerg is worth a place over Clasie…. And JWP was so good against Inter… should we be making the most of that good form?  The one deviation from the usual plan is that Martina is on the bench with Maya Yoshida slotting in at right back.  I imagine he’ll have to get forward a lot more than he usually would but hopefully he won’t be as much of a liability at the back.  It would be hard to be as much of a liability to be fair.

As said, Hull have lost their last six games and there’s a reason for that – it’s because they’re shite and they’ve appointed a shocking manager and their club is run in a shambolic manner by an owner who doesn’t give a shit and doesn’t want to be there.  Anyway, he’s not playing but in the crowd dreaming of the team being called the Humber Tigers or whatever.  We start with José Fonte gifting Hull a decent situation with a shit backpass which doesn’t even get halfway there and puts Hernandez in.  Lucky he’s wide-ish and so Fonte gets back to get a toe to the cross and take it away from Keane.  Straight from that near calamity, we build through midfield with Clasie knocking a good ball out to Tadic on the right and he feeds it to our rampaging Japanese right back who bursts into the area and has Curtis Davies for company.  Davies is always mentioned when he’s left out of all of the England squads and I know the standard isn’t very high these days but tackling with your wrong foot and clumsily carting over a centre back playing at right back is not great play.  It’s so shit and such an obvious foul that no one moans in the slightest.  Mercifully Tadic is nowhere near it and Austin calmly sends Marshall the wrong way for 1-0, 6 minutes gone.

They are shit and they’re also unlucky as both strikers have to go off injured.  First Hernandez and then Keane to be replaced by Mbokani (last seen being shit for Norwich last season) and our old mate Robert Snodgrarse who combines being a half decent player with being a moaning twat for Leeds, Norwich again and now Hull.  It’s all us and Austin has a shot blocked.

It nearly all goes horribly wrong for us as a ball gets headed out and Tadic goes in with Mason and misses the ball and catches the Hull man very high on the thigh.  There could have been no complaints if that had been seen as a red card offence but the ref decides it’s a yellow and we got a bit of a break there.  I don’t think he meant it but it looked bad.  Put it this way, I think he got away with it because he has no reputation and he’s not a defender.  If a defender or Romeu had done it then off you go.

It’s still all us to a ridiculous degree but the tempo drops almost like we feel we don’t need to kill the game off.  We still create chances but there’s no intensity.  Redmond produces a great spin and through ball and Clasie is onto it but he doesn’t get enough on the shot and it barely brushes his studs and Marshall tips it wide.  From the corner, Hull sort of clear it and Clasie drills a 25 yarder straight at the keeper.

Just before half time there’s another good move with Redmond playing it in to Austin who should shoot first time but delays and allows Marshall to get in position to save it again.  Again, we’ve totally dominated but not put the game to bed – we’ve scored a penalty thanks to a horrific bit of defending which is our only reward for total domination of a far inferior opponent.

The first action of the second half is Bertrand winning a corner which he clearly kicked off the park himself.  It’s funny because it’s Snodgrarse who has a major moan up at the referee.  He was 100% correct to have a moan but he’s still a twat.  Please let us score from it to make it even funnier… Davis swings it over, Marshall flaps nowhere near it and Virgil’s header loops high over everyone and bounces over off of the top of the bar.  Bollocks.

On the hour mark we have a scare as Mbokani wins a free kick by backing into Fonte and Snodgrarse’s free kick is met by McGuire at the far post and he’s gloriously unmarked but he gets the direction all wrong and squirts it across the goal and we clear it out for a throw on the other side.  From the throw, Hull easily work it round Clasie and Yoshida and a low cross is met by the completely unmarked Snodgrarse on the penalty spot, bang, 1-1, fucking hell!  Every fucking team we play against needs one chance to score whereas we need about 15.

Another ball forward and this time Bertrand goes mountaineering and it’s another free kick.  Snodgrarse puts it in exactly the right place and Dawson evades all our defenders, despite us having three centre backs on the pitch and simply flicks it into the net for 2-1.  It’s fucking ridiculous and we only have ourselves to blame.  Bollocks.  The only good news is that there’s still the best part of half an hour to go.

Mbokani is a twat.  He’s going for the big belly flop or the drop to his knees every time a defender goes near him now.  Stand up you prick.  With 20 to do Claude decides to bring on Boufal for Tadic and the new man nearly produces straight away, jinking inside and playing in Austin who shoots low and well saved by Marshall.  He should possibly have fed it on to Davis but we all know what Davo’s shooting in pressure situations is like.

Redmond and Clasie are off for JWP and J-Rod but Boufal is still our most likely route to goal, drawing a foul out of Snodgrarse.  It’s wide left of the penalty area and JWP takes the wrong decision to shoot and it flies harmlessly wide of the near post.  We’re playing with the urgency that we should have been playing with for the last hour and JWP feeds in Austin who tries a sidefooted effort from the edge of the box but Marshall again gets across well to save and it’s Austin again with another opening a few minutes later which is blocked because he took an extra touch and gave Marshall a chance to get close.  Oh yes, Hull are throwing everything in the way now they’ve got something to hang on to.

Of course, they’re gonna have their chances on the break and Snodgrarse tries to win goal of the season but hits the crowd and that’s merely and interval as we pile forward, this time with Boufal producing a great cross to the back stick where Yoshida arrives but Marshall is once again in the right place on the post to push it wide.  93, 94, another corner comes in and a combination of bodies puts the ball goalwards and Clucas whacks it off the line and it hits J-Rod and flies over the bar.  Lucky fuckers.  All over.  What a fucking gift wrapped three points for Hull that was.

I am pissed off.  We fucked that right up and it worries me slightly that even shite like Hull are more clinical with taking chances than we are.  I guess we were due a duff result after a Europa League game but it really shouldn’t have been this one.  Beat Inter Milan, lose to Hull – only Southampton.  I don’t really give a shit about game stats as only the score matters but suffice to say, Hull scored 2 from 2 on target shots and we scored a penalty from fucking loads.  Not good enough.  Every other stat was a landslide in our favour – yet we still managed to lose.

Hull are still going down, big time.  I’d put money on them finishing bottom.  That’s not sour grapes as I have nothing against them, it’s just an opinion based on what they have on the pitch and the shambles off of it but the lesson from today is that if Saints don’t play with 100% intensity all game then we can lose to anyone.

Much to my irritation, Liverpool have been pasting the shit out of everyone in the League and they’re next at St Mary’s but before that we have an International break to endure with England playing Scotland.  Fraser and Ryan will be watching at best.  The same old shit has happened again with the squad in that the strikers picked for the squad by the mercurial Southgate are Vardy (0 goals all season), Sturridge (0 goals all season), Rooney (a sub and shit) and Kane (injured).  Austin with his 8 goals in 11 games or whatever it is, hasn’t got a look in but still – we’re picking players on reputation and not form again.  Despite years of doing that and years of being shit, we are still doing that.  We’ll no doubt beat Scotland cos they are after all, a pub side and that, with depressing inevitability will secure Southgate the job and another World Cup with the same old shit as before.

Probably the best result for all concerned would be a 0-0 draw as that would depress everyone still further and maybe people will stop turning up at Wembley which is the only thing that will make the twats at the FA think about things.  Apparently we’ve surrendered some of our home advantage by giving thousands more tickets than was needed to the Scots because it wasn’t going to sell out.  This is both unbelievable and depressing.

Back to Saints and there’s no argument that today’s result was a bit of a downer.  Like I say, we were due a flat one after a Europa game but it shouldn’t have been today against that lot.  Our ability to dominate a game and not put it to bed is a recurring theme this season and others aside from Charlie Austin need to step up and start sticking the ball in the net occasionally.  

Europa League Match 4 - Southampton 2 Inter Milan 1

The Two Main Men

If my time as a Saints fan is anything to go by, there won't be many Saints supporters who get to see a competitive home game against one of Europe's superpower clubs. Inter Milan have earned the right to be mentioned up there with Real Madrid, Barcelona, Bayern Munich and the other Italian giants Juventus and AC Milan. That is a fair reflection of their pedigree and tonight they are playing at St Mary's. 40 years ago, as a seven-year-old I saw us play Anderlecht who at the time we are one of the biggest clubs in Europe. I obviously can't remember too much about that game but I remember that the atmosphere was electric and the chocolate boxes behind the Milton Road and at the Dell were ridiculously packed.

In the context of Europa League Group K, we cannot afford to lose this game. A defeat would put us right in the shit regarding qualifying for the knockout stages. If we could have hit a barn door at the San Siro a few weeks ago, we would have a little bit of leeway here.

Inter have by their standards been having a shocking time of it this year. Three points in three games in the Europa league pales into insignificance compared to them being 9th in Serie A. Frank De Boer paid the price for this and was sacked a couple of days ago so they have the youth team manager in charge tonight. Hopefully, he is a lot like Steve Wigley.

It's an interesting night for Claude with his team selection. We have this game and we have the less than glamorous trip to Hull City on Sunday. I do not see that game being more difficult than this one and so to me, we should be putting out of the stronger side tonight. I am therefore not terribly impressed when I see that your Yoshida is playing ahead of Fonte and that J Rod is in ahead of Austin. I'm happy with JWP and Hojbjerg being in ahead of Clasie and Davis because the latter two were pretty poor on Sunday.  In the full back positions, Sam McQueen gets the nod ahead of the recovering Bertrand and on the right is Cuco the Clown.  Personally, I would've played either your Yoshida or Steve Davis as a makeshift right back ahead of the clown Martina who was so bad in the Chelsea game that the thought of him playing again tonight makes me cringe. The selection on the bench throws up a question and it makes me wonder why we signed to Stuart Taylor? With McCarthy being injured you would expect Taylor to be on the bench as the experienced option but no, Harry Lewis is preferred and I don't know how old he is but he looks about 15..

Inter have put out what looks like a fairly solid and strong team with Handanovic in goal through to Banega and Icardi up front. No matter how badly they are doing by their own ridiculously high standards, they are not going to be easy to beat with international players from Brazil, Chile, Argentina and Italy dotted around all over the pitch.

Away we go and a decent start down the right with Tadic putting over a decent cross right onto J-Rod’s head and he climbs well but there’s a lack of conviction in the header as it goes wide.  J-Rod has another chance a few minutes later when he tries to curl one into the far top corner but it starts too central and Handanovic can watch it over the bar.  We have one more off-target effort as Redmond cuts in and shoots wide before Inter get into our half and what do you fucking know?

Perisic against Martina was always going to be a fucking nightmare and he beats him and crosses right over to the other side where Medel retrieves it, exchanges passes with Candreva and crosses from the dead ball line.  Perisic should score but his effort hits Martina and the ball somewhat fortuitously finds its way back to Icardi who slams it first time intot he bottom corner before Fraser can move.  Fuck!!!  It looked like there was a foul on Virgil by Medel out on our left but no one is interested in giving that so 1-0 down again from Inter’s first shot.  You have to say that they’re efficient.

We are all kind of stunned and frustration sets in as we slow everything down and do not look like scoring at all.  J-Rod is hanging onto the ball too long and every move seems to break down on him.  We look good in midfield with JWP and Hojbjerg making up for a somewhat wayward performance from Romeu. Aside from J-Rod, the other dead zone is on the right where Cuco has gone into full clown mode.  I love the way he goes steaming over to a situation where he has no chance of winning the ball, only to realise it, stop and then chase back as the opposition have skipped round him and away.

The world seems shit and on half time we win a corner.  Tadic takes it poorly and it gets cleared up in the air.  Rather than aimlessly head it, Hojbjerg brings it down on his chest and tries to bundle past Perisic and the ball bounces up and hits him on the elbow.  Penalty given.  Absolute bullshit decision.  There’s some sort of scuffle going on as the Italians protest and from the other end I can see McQueen take a slap in the face from someone.  The ref is looking straight at it and calls the offender (Candreva) over and bottles it with a yellow card.  A good three minutes have gone by before Tadic steps up and it’s a shite penalty at a comfortable height and just right of centre with Handanovic going the right way and saving it easily.  Fuck off… half time.

I’m of the same opinion as I was against Chelsea on Sunday.  There is no point in leaving a player on who is not going to do anything so we may as well take J-Rod off now but we don’t and it’s an unchanged team who are back on to start the second half.  We make a good positive start and Hojbjerg’s cross finds its’ way to JWP who strikes it well but Handanovic makes a strong.  A few minutes later and Virgil and J-Rod combine and JWP creams one towards the top corner but Handanovic is there again, throwing up a really stong arm to keep it out again.  It the last contribution for Jay and Austin is on and Jay appears to take out his frustration on the advertising hoarding.  Soon, there’s another great chance as Hojbjerg cust in from the right and keeprs going before chopping onto his right foot but Ranocchia makes a really good block.

Surely it’s going to come in a minute – Tadic swings over a corner and up gets Virgil to thinmp it goalwards but too central and the keeper tips is over again and then finally, as the second corner is half cleared, Romeu flicks it goalwards and it loops over the keeper and hits the bar, falling for Virgil to ram it into the net from close range.  The referee immediately looks like he’s disallowed it but it’s a goal and the big man gets a deserved first of the season.

Three minutes later and it all goes proper mental as Tadic and McQueen work an opening down the left and Tadic gets a yard and crosses low and it takes a deflection off one Milan defender and that seems to confuse Nagatomo at the back post and he stands there like a twat and it bounces off his hip and loops past Handanovic and into the net.  Cheers mate, 2-1.

Davis on for Tadic for the last 15 as Claude demonstrates his European experience and Dvo seems to calm things down and we keep possession nicely until Romeu plays a shit house of a pass across our own box and straight to Icardi who forces Fraser into a decent low save.  It feels ridiculous to say it but that incident aside, we are extremely comfortable and the only side that looks like scoring.  Redmond shoots wide after a break up the left and we play out the last knockings in the corner with Davis, McQueen and Hojbjerg not letting inter have it.  The ref has seen enough and fuck me, we’ve won.

This is a game that in a few years, when I'm an old bastard dribbling into my cornflakes, I'll be looking back and will be able to say "I was there". Southampton 2 Inter Milan 1. Just let that sink in for a little bit
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Okay. The first half was pretty dreadful from our point of view with us offering absolutely zero attacking threat and then letting in a shit goal on Inter's one visit into a half.  After the first few minutes, the atmosphere was pretty flat because the team weren't doing it on the pitch. Like in the Chelsea game, there was a lot of sideways and backwards and are losing the ball as soon as we tried to do something positive with it.  The second-half however was completely different and we tore them the new arsehole that they desperately deserved and the crowd responded superbly. I sit in the family stand so I'm used to it being fairly quiet but tonight was very different and I’m not just talking about the presence of half and half scarfers. Sure, we got a bit lucky with the winning goal but boy did we deserve it, not just for tonight but for the game in Milan as well.

There were many great performances in the second half but some players did it for the whole 90 minutes, in particular, Sam McQueen, Virgil, Maya, Pierre Hojbjerg and James Ward-Prowse. I'm writing his full name, instead of just JWP because today, he was the real deal. A superb performance in midfield from start to finish and the best game I’ve ever seen him have. If only he was a little bit more forceful when it comes to demanding the ball to take a penalty. On that note, that has got to be it for Tadic and penalties. Even the ones he scores are dribbled into the goal but I think that's two he's missed now and to be honest with our basic problem of not scoring enough goals, missing penalties is not something we can afford.

It seems churlish to talk about negatives but J-Rod really needs to be playing every single game that the under 23 side plays because he was so far off the pace, he was virtually running backwards. Also, though he improved in the second half, Cuco Martina is a fucking nightmare. Cedric or Pied or an Academy Right back or the January transfer window cannot come soon enough.  Then there’s the referee Pawel Gil – unreal decision not to send Candreva off and I know it’s a Premier League thing to penalise holding at corners etc but Ranocchia has rugby tackled Virgil on at least 3 occasions and he’s not given it.  Also, you have to say, the decision we got given for the penalty was scandalous.

Inter Milan got what they deserved. There is a lot that I like about Italian football, particularly the way their sides usually defend.  I'm not talking about the niggly, time wasting, diving method of defending but the actual technical defending that Italian sides do so well. There are times when it oversteps the mark though and it just becomes blatant thuggery. Though it was up the other end of the pitch to where I was and I didn't see it at the time, the actions of Candreva around the penalty with scuffing the penalty spot and then elbowing McQueen in the face were absolutely fucking scandalous. You would think he may get some sort of retrospective ban for that but who does that benefit? Not us.  We could probably do with him playing against Sparta Prague and he is one of their better players even though he's obviously a horrible little fuck. I was amazed at how little Inter did, Not just tonight but in the first game as well. I guess that's why they've had nine managers in six years.

The coverage we got in the media was predictable in the extreme. Even though it was one of the biggest wins in the clubs history, Manchester Red Cunts losing on the same night was of course a bigger story.  On the highlights that I watched when I got in they spent 10 minutes discussing how the Red Cunts should build their team around Carlton Pogba, who got injured in the first half of the game today and therefore didn't contribute anything to the game they were showing the highlights of.  When they did get around to showing our game, or when anyone talks about it on the radio or anything like that it's always in the context of the players that we lose every summer and the manager fucking off and that gets a bit tiresome as well as you know that all they really want to do is talk up Virgil moving to a huge club at some point.

Fuck ‘em all, we don't need to be top of the bill to have a fantastic night. I don't give a flying fuck if Inter aren't what they were a few years ago.  They are still a massive European name and with the possible exception of Manchester Red Cunts, the biggest side in the competition and we beat them quite convincingly.  With Sparta beating Be'er Sheva we are now in the position of needing to win one of our last two games to be certain of qualifying for the knockout rounds. It would be nice to do that in the next game which is away in Prague as that would leave us top of the group going in to the last round of matches. Sparta were distinctly average at St Mary's when we won 3-0 so let's go out to improve our pretty dismal European away record.

Tonight, we played Inter Milan at home and we won.  Mental.

Premier League Match 10 - Southampton 0 Chelsea 2

Cuco Shat Himself When He Read this Book

Chelsea were crap last season. It was probably their worst season since Roman Abramovich turned up and ploughed his possibly ill gotten billions into what had been a pretty average club at that point. They actually managed to finish below Saints last season which was quite an achievement considering the players that they have but many of them downed tools for much of the last campaign.  Eden Hazard was the major culprit last year but he certainly looked to be back on it a couple of weeks ago when Jose Mourinho brought his Manchester United side to Stamford Bridge and got their arses handed to them 4-0.  Maybe he didn’t like Mourinho much – just a thought.  Even though they were crap last year, they still handed us a 2-1 defeat at St Marys with a last minute goal from that tosser Ivanovic.

They still have some really good players like Hazard and Diego the Bastard and this year have added N'golo Kante from Leicester's title winner and David Luiz who is the mistake waiting to happen and a new manager in Antonio Conte who provided a great highlight in Euro 2016 by wellying the ball down the touchline. If you're an England fan, that sort of thing is a highlight.  John Terry is still there just about after the new contract shambles which ran and ran last season.  They always seem to do that – they did it with Lampard and Drogba as well.

Saints have been picking up more and more positive articles in the media recently and this week it's been about how we've rehabilitated players who have got lost in the player harvesting system operated by all the big clubs when you end up not playing at all or getting loaned out 10 times. Specifically, the progress made by Ryan Bertrand and Oriol Romeu since they left Chelsea and started playing regularly for a club that gives a shit about all its players, not just the ones in the first 11.  Chelsea usually have 50 plus players out on loan which ultimately serves no one, not even the ‘bitch’ clubs they seem to own who are dotted about Europe.  Anyone remember Josh McEachran – he was the next big thing about 5 years ago, England Under 21 caps, loaned out 5 times, now at Brentford.  Maybe under Conte it’s changing a bit as both Ruben Loftus-Cheek and Nathaniel Chalobah have featured this season.  Also, Chelsea have always been strange in the transfer market.  Buying Kevin de Bruyne for not much and then selling him for loads without him playing a game.  Selling Matic and then buying him back for three times as much, getting £50 million for Luiz and then deciding to pass £35 million back to sign him again.

Today then, would be a massive test of our improvement over the past few weeks.  It’s looking like it might be a good game as we start and we look as if we mean it.  Tadic is playing wide right and he immediately takes the opportunity to turn Alonso inside out three times before eventually putting over a poor cross which is easily headed away and eventually Romeu shoots over the bar. Chelsea look incredibly dangerous when they get the ball and on 5 minutes they break down the left after Virgil doesn’t clear everything out in a midfield challenge and Moses plays Hazard in behind Bertrand and Davis hasn’t tracked him and he can’t get close enough so Hazard cuts past him easily and then smashes it through Fraser at the near post for 1-0.  Fuck it!  How easy was that?

Back sit Chelsea and the game settles into a pattern of us having fairly pointless possession on the half way line whilst they have 11 behind the ball.  Our passing is ponderous and slow and there’s loads of sideways and backwards before we lose it somewhere and we look vulnerable to any Chelsea attack.  If we do make any inroad, once the ball goes any further forward than Romeu, Chelsea snap into the tackle and we lose it.  Clasie and Martina especially are looking completely out of their depth on the right.  It’s a great combination in that Clasie gives the ball away, either with a shit pass or by being lightweight in a challenge and then Hazard gets on the ball and Martina resembles someone who is trying to run in four directions at once.

We all know Luiz has got a mistake in him but we’re not getting near him.  Matic and Kante are closing the door in the middle and we’ve got nothing wide.  There’s a needless foul by Alonso on Tadic about 25 yards out but Tadic free kick is easily shovelled wide by Courtois and that’s about it from us for the half but Chelsea are dangerous on the break with Hazard easily drifting away from Martina and it all opening up for him but luckily his shot is straight at Fraser and then there’s some dreadful shit from Clasie who just gets steamrollered by Matic and Costa finds himself clean through with just Fraser to beat and the big man saves well with his feet.

Half time and thank Christ Claude can have a go at them and change some stuff for the second half.  We haven’t looked like getting back into the game at all and it’s all been too easy for Chelsea.  I’d have Clasie off now.  I mean, what’s the point of another 15 minutes of nothing before you take him off?  I’d maybe stick JWP on cos at least then we have a better chance of getting something from a free kick or corner.

At the start of the second half, Bertrand immediately fires in a dangerous looking cross and I’m at least a bit encouraged.  Chelsea are still the more dangerous side though as a crossfield ball totally takes Cuco out of the game (exactly as in the Man City away game) and Alonso’s cross is touched away by José for a corner.  Though we scramble the corner away we don’t actually survive very long as Diego the Bastard goes down like a sack of shit about 30 yards out and buys a free kick.  As Hazard goes to take the free kick, Diego the Bastard just walks away from his marker Martina and Hazard taps the ball to him and he curls a superb shot into the far corner of the net.  Brilliant finish but how fucking easy did we make it for him.  Martina, having realised that his man had walked away was doing so sort of hopping pirouetting dance in front of him and turned his back on the ball like a child who was scared of getting hit by it.  Fucking pathetic useless pub player defending – Jeremy Pied’s knee injury has a lot to answer for.  Hearing the Chelsea fans chanting out that horrible Costa Bastards name was a bit of a sickening moment.

Having repeated the trick they pulled in the first half, Chelsea are content, not surprisingly to sit back and soak it up.  It’s all so Italian and it’s great stuff from them to be honest.

Right on cue and with crushing predictability, Clasie is off on 60 minutes to be replaced with Boufal and there’s immediately 5 minutes where no one appears to know where they are supposed to be playing.  We don’t create anything even with the new man on the pitch and it’s nearly 3-0 as Moses cuts in from the right and shoots, Fraser parries it out and Chelsea make a mess of trying to turn it into an empty net as we scramble like mad to get it clear.  From Romeu’s clearance we break up the right and it’s a chance to catch Chelsea with a few players forward but we fuck it up and we’re back to playing it around nicely on the half way line with everyone in blue back behind the ball.  Depressing stuff.

Like a terminally ill patient who is basically flatlining with the odd sign of life, we put together a decent move down the left and Bertrand crosses and Austin heads over.  Hazard is having a field day down the left and he runs at Martina who just shits himself, allowing another shot to be pinged at Fraser which he saves in none too convincing fashion.

Bertrand is knackered and is replaced with McQueen and Tadic, who I remember from the first three minutes is also off, with Højbjerg coming on and the two new guys combine to create our best chance with McQueen’s low cross coming in, Austin beating a defender to it, the flag going up and Charlie sticking it in the net.  Would have been great but for the bit about the flag.  I didn’t even get out of my seat as it was that obvious.

85 minutes and somewhere between 25 and 50% of the Saints fans in the crowd fuck off home.  Thanks for your support, Sunday dinner’s calling I guess.

Well that was as comfortable as afternoon as Chelsea will have all season.  Goal at start, goal just after half time, keep opposition in front of us, easy.  Brilliant performance by them and fair play.  They definitely look like the kind of team that can win the title on that performance.  Claude took a few games to get his idea across to us and get us playing the way he wanted and Antonio Conte was obviously the same with Chelsea.  If you get higher grade players to play as a team and for each other then you are in business and Chelsea certainly are.  Players that were average last season like Hazard, Diego the Bastard and Matic were right on it today and the new players like Kante and Luiz did their jobs efficiently.  I have to say that Luiz was superb at the back and could have had a deck chair and a cigar.  You have to give Conte huge credit for a finding a player in Victor Moses who was a player that Chelsea ‘harvested’ with no real interest in him up to now.  We gave then problems last year with pace up front but Conte has sorted that as well – Luiz is quite quick and so is Azpilicueta which is why that Terry and Ivanovic are not starters any more.

So, on the one hand Chelsea were very good but we were not.  We were shite and flat and made it very easy for them.  The early goal was obviously a key moment and we had a few players who didn’t cover themselves in glory with that one.  Virgil didn’t win a challenge in midfield, Ryan and Davo made it absurdly easy for Hazard to cut back and Fraser got beaten at the near post.  The Bastard’s goal was a great finish but how much time and space did we give him?  Look again at Martina’s dancing, prancing effort at closing down – embarrassing for a grown man to defend like that.   You get paid a fortune so don’t be scared to block it you twat.  Going forward we were ponderous in the extreme.  Loads of passes of the ball and after a minute of possession we’re still on the half way line with 11 Chelsea players in front of us.  We hardly got down the sides and we couldn’t play through the middle.  Today was the first day that I’ve though that we could really have done with Graziano – there’s no space so let’s go over the defence.  We were flat – really flat with too many poor performances from individuals and we just have to write it off as a bad day.

On my shit list today are Jordy Clasie, Cuco Martina and Dusan Tadic.  Of those three, at least Tadic had a good three minutes at the start of the game as he turned Alonso inside out.  That was it though – the next time I noticed him was when he got substituted just before the end.  Jordy Clasie did his usual hour and by ‘usual’ I mean he was a complete nonentity, contributing nothing except burning a substitution in the most predictable way.  He gets outmuscled in physical challenges and is not creative at all – what does he bring to the party when it matters?  Harrison Reed should be in the rotation ahead of this guy.  Then you have Cuco who was a joke player today – permanently off balance and in the wrong position – maybe we have a kid in the Academy who can do a McQueen and step up – Yan Valery looked good in pre-season.  I hope all those who were saying that Cuco was better than Cédric have given their head a wobble.

On the plus side was Oriol Romeu who was a monster in midfield again despite a lack of help around him.  He was huge and José Fonte and Virgil were decent as well.  Up front I thought Charlie Austin worked tirelessly and looks like he’s getting fitter and fitter which is a good job because we need him with J-Rod and Shane’s continuing injury problems.  Ultimately I think this game will be a good game for Fraser.  Yep he should have done better with the goal but he made 3 or 4 decent saves after that which will give him confidence.  He hasn’t had too much to do in our recent good run so he’ll feel good for making a few saves, even if a coupe of them he probably should have held rather than pushing them out.  Anyway, it’s done now and we’re still handily placed in 9^th in the league so it’s not all bad – just a bad day.

Who’s looking forward to Thursday then? Frank de Boer is…. not giving a shit about it…